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minkieater · 1 day ago

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yknow what ,,, who in atz makes love vs fucks ,, i am tinking abt it

FUCK THIS IS HARD. controversial take on atz tbh i cant believe mingi is where he is i want him to be a freak so bad but i must separate mental mingi and real mingi

FUCKS: freak bitches

1. hongjoong

hj is a possessive demon freak you can see it in his eyes fr. there isn’t a day that will pass without you getting split in two, he’s not just a freak but he has stamina and he’d rather do literally anything else but sleep, so what better way to pass the time when his brain is fried from making music than to fuck your brains out???? you love his libido and his ability to never turn it off, i don’t think his dick ever softens tbh not really. especially not when you’re talking to another man, that possessiveness really comes into play, it doesn’t matter who it is from your coworker to your friend he’s taking you to the next secluded spot and reminding you who the fuck you belong to. maybe toxic, but that’s hj, and when he’s done blowing your back out you’re reminded every single time that you don’t need anyone else but him (and you like it that way) (he’s my soulmate in the astral realm btw)

2. jongho

he’s a dominant freak and its so fucking sexy. his dominance slips into every aspect of your life, what you wear, what you do, who you talk to, what you eat, never in a toxic way, but in a way that he’s taking care of you, looking out for you, keeping you safe. he loves a good game of cat and mouse, loves when there’s a lil brattiness he has to tame, to assert his dominance all over again— there’s been several nights where you haven’t finished once because you disobeyed him, tears streaming down your cheeks with your legs shaking because you were so fucking close and he ripped it away last second, he knows every inch of your body like the back of his hand, he knows what you’re thinking half the time just by the look on your face. he’s got boxes of toys set aside, ropes and handcuffs and spreader bars, either for torture or your pleasure depends on your behavior (jongho ill be so good for you pls) and he is NOT afraid to use em. god hes so in tune with you and your body and his OWN his control is so fucking crazy i think i could keep going and actually talk about this for hours

3. wooyoung

he’s a fun freak!!!! giggly and experimental he wants you in every position he can think up, he’s creating his OWN positions when he runs out of ideas. he’s fucking you in public, in a dressing room, fingers slipping inside you under the table, a cocky little smirk on his face when you accidentally let a moan slip UGH he’s the type to not be weirded out by anything like if you find some weird shit on the internet and wanna try it out he’s 100% down. he’ll try anything once. you want to tap into omegaverse shit??? he’s barking for you and still fucking into you like its the first time. you wanna get into pee??? cum eating??? bondage??? cuckolding?? it literally doesn’t matter. he’s down and he’s researching and he’s educating YOU. he needs an experimental partner too tho cus his ideas are just as fucking crazy and he is NOT shy about sharing them with you. sex is fun with him, never boring, never stale, he keeps you on your toes just as much as you keep him on his, you’ve spent legit weekends in the bedroom because you tried something new and neither of you can get enough. toys, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, cockrings, Strap Ons, you have them all, wooyoung is a yes man and no one can tell me differently. with a shrug and a smile on his face EVERY TIME he’s like yeah sure why not Omg and if there’s something that doesn’t work he’s like ok whatever and then just goes back to normal. sex is so chill and so fun and so experimental and there’s never any pressure FUCK wooyoung i fucking love you i got carried away

MAKES LOVE: sweet angels

1. yeosang

guys im sorry he’s here. i do think yeosang is versatile but not often enough to classify him in the middle, if you catch him on a day where is patience is thin he might be using his biceps to cut off your air flow while he’s fucking into you from behind, but on the day to day, he’s kissing every inch of your body, hands in your hair, petting your skin, cupping your cheeks, whispering sweet words, praises, everything is so fucking sweet it usually ends up with you in tears from the emotion passing back and forth between you. yeosang takes care of you in every way, there’s never a time where you finish unsatisfied, he makes sure of it. if you aren’t whining with tears streaming down your cheeks he isn’t done yet, he has stamina and he could fuck you for hours, even besides fucking he’s eating it for hours if thats the vibe. yeosang i want you so fucking bad

2. mingi

man :/

he’s a whiner. he’s sloppy and messy and so fucking virgin even after you’ve been fucking for years, every time is like the first time with mingi. while his hands grow more confident and his body has more stamina, he’s still fucking into you like it’s new, eyes screwed shut and staggered breaths leaving his chest because it’s inconceivable that you feel so fucking good— that’s something he’ll never get used to i fear, how you wrap around him so perfectly, how you’re so warm and wet it’s fucking war to not bust in you within three strokes. he doesn’t tho, he has pretty good control, up until you’re the one whining with tears slipping down your cheeks and he’s losing his fucking shit. elbows pressed into the mattress beside your head, tongue slipping into your mouth with no real rhythm, his cock rutting into you while barely pulling out, he’s addicted to your warmth, the feeling of being inside, the closeness, and god when he fills you up it just spurs him on farther. he’s not stopping until there’s three loads inside you with barely any reprieve between sessions, he’s spilling into you and fucking himself through the overstimulating, crying and whining and praising you because he loves you. im so fuckinf insane im an animal i fucking love this man i would die for him

3. san

this one should not be a surprise tbh san is a caregiver, the way he fucks is spiritual, its all consuming, its heavy and emotional and passionate and everything. you guys probably aren’t into anything hella freaky, farthest is probably a quickie in a dressing room every now and then, but most of the time he’s taking his time with you, stripping you of each scrap of fabric on your body with dainty hands and warm kisses, licking up your skin as if it was candy, telling you how you taste. he’s fucking into you with skilled precision, the movements of a man who’s taken the time to learn every inch of you, what makes you feel good. he’s big into breeding and he’s filling you up every time he def has a vasectomy. would never want u on any birth control because god forbid u change something about yourself for him!!! i feel like san is mad traditional in every way his fav position is probably missionary so he could see your face while he fucks you, holding your hands, kissing your lips that had long gone unresponsive against his own.

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE: both ways

1. yunho

hahahahahahahahahahahahahha this fucking freak bitch you know exactly what im gonna say. similar to jongho in the sense that he’s controlling many aspects of your life just because he can, he thinks its hot, and so do you. if you disobey him/make him feel disrespected he’s fucking you into next week, and he’s cruel about it, he’s not letting you cum, he’s holding your hands behind your back with one of his own just so you can’t touch him. he’s degrading you, vile words flying off his lips that make you clench tighter around him, he’s pinching your nipples until you’re crying. yunho dom agenda is so real. but he’s not like that all the time, you have your nights where you’re lost in kisses and sweet words and slow strokes, he fucks three loads into you because he wants to get you pregnant, would probably start trying to make you a mother a year into your relationship. if even that long tbh. yunho is mad versatile and he checks off every single box jeong yunho can i please have your phone number

2. seonghwa

😛 I WANT HIM SO BAD this freak bitch i still think he loves voyeurism and cuckolding and shares u. that blurb lives within me. i also think he is mad freaky like wooyoung, nothing puts him off, everything is hot and he wants to explore your sex life as much as he can, if something doesn’t work he’s like whatever we just wont do it again. prolly an ass eater on the regular. super flexible too he’s probably fucking into you from crazy angles like you’re both pretzels LMFAO fuck hes so hot i think seonghwa can do anything at any time. he’s another that loves to fuck you slow, but in a torturous way, like only fucking you with the tip until youre a crying mess begging for more. he definitely gets off on your whines, laughing in your face above you, but when he finally gives you what you want it’s shattering you. deep, heavy strokes, each one has his pelvis hitting yours, all while he’s kissing you sweetly and telling you how good you are for him. seonghwa freakbitch truther!

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sergioguymanproust · 17 hours ago

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When we refuse to believe that what we are seeing is real and enter into a denial mode ,it is us who suffer a psychological breakdown. It is us saying to ourselves things like ,I’m going mad.Then fear takes over and we call it simply a hallucination . Some are told to seek professional help, a well known psychiatrist, a psychologist . When in truth all you needed to do was to accept what you experienced was real. But fear is the biggest obstacle,fear of ridicule,fear of rejection,fear of going insane,fear of government officials,and the list goes on and on.Let’s face it folks,our dear government will never be on your side.Nope ,0 chance. The case of most people who witnessed aUFO runs in the millions and the fear to be threatened by government agencies is very real ,till this very moment in time. Forcing the people to shut up. Has done more damage to humanity than opening up about their personal experiences. Our society also has done a tremendous damage in refusing to accept the truth ,the fact that we are our worse enemy is deeply disturbing. Aliens or Extraterrestrial as you choose to call them,have been on this planet much ,much longer than us!This is a fact. That our scientists have been manipulated by the government, the Pentagon is no longer a secret ,that government agencies continue to deny it says a lot about this so called democracy. Well, you are free to do and say whatever you want. Oh,and the so called National Security is a joke and you know it. They know it is true ,aliens do walk among us. No science fiction folks! Life in this planet is more interesting than we are told. Words by Sergio GuymanProust.

#mark bryan #thevaultofretroscifi #words by sergio guymanproust #credit to the blogger&photographer.#read and enjoy #read and share #photography #nature #credit to the artist #my rant on aliens on this planet.#Our government is 100% aware of them

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galene-gothic · 2 days ago

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𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗁𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗌

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⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

You have dealt with situations not turning out the way you wanted them to despite heavily investing into them. These situations in fact, made you feel very naive and taken advantage of. Ugh I just heard “a woman’s loyalty is tested when the man has nothing and a man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything.” I also suddenly got a vision of a TikTok that I saw a while ago. The man in the video was saying that if a woman stays with him at the lowest point of his life, he’d leave her when he gets to a high point because she clearly doesn’t respect herself 💀. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with a man or boy but it could have been a similar situation. You invested a lot into someone or possibly even multiple people and you were incredibly generous. The value was being provided only one way i.e. only you were the one bringing ANYTHING into the connection but you were the one being treated as though you didn’t have any value, as though you didn’t bring anything valuable into the connection or this person’s life. It definitely could have been an experience with multiple people for some of you. I was earlier hearing ‘without me’ by Halsey in my head and now I’m hearing that song, I’m not sure about the title I’ve only heard it through reels and TikTok. It goes something like “It’s not your fault I ruin everything and it’s not your fault I can’t be what you need.” This is honestly very sad, this person or people used to rely on you when they were sad but when they were enjoying life and had happy moments, they didn’t really share those with you, they didn’t spend those with you. It’s like when they experienced really good and happy moments, they just disappeared, and despite everything that you were offering them, they wanted a ‘happily ever after’ with other people. They used to take what you had to offer and use your resources to their benefit but they didn’t want you, they didn’t offer you anything of value, they didn’t even truly appreciate your value and only used it.

There definitely was this feeling of insecurity because why didn’t they see your value and treat it as such despite you doing, and offering so much? It was just a really bad investment on your part because all you were doing was wasting your time and energy by depleting your time, energy, and resources on an ungrateful person. I really wanted to use the b-word just now but I stopped myself. I’m feeling angry on your behalf here. You did everything with a very pure and affectionate heart. When you were doing and giving anything at all, you were being genuine with it. It was a very innocent kind of love that you were extending yourself with. You were sensitive to their needs and almost psychically picked up on things in regard to them, and even if you didn’t, you actively tried to because that’s just how pure hearted you were and their stinginess… gosh. They didn’t even try to invest in you at all, did they? You seem to have questioned your value and worth back then. Due to how you were investing into the connection with a sense of innocence, you were wounded like a child is. Let me explain it to you, kids have not seen enough of the world so when they get scolded or punished by their parents, it’s easy for them to question themself and believe that they must’ve done something wrong. They also forgive the trespassers again and again because that’s just how pure kids tend to be but whatever kids experience during their childhood sticks with them on a very deep level and is inevitably going to affect them as adults. You experienced a similar experience back then. It hit your inner child quite heavily. “How long could we be a sad song, till we were too far gone to bring back to life. I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier. Fighting in only your army, front lines don’t you ignore me. I’m the best thing in this party. You’re losing me and I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her.”

That’s ‘you’re losing me’ by Taylor Swift. I keep on hearing the part that goes “my heart won’t start anymore, my heart won’t start anymore.” I feel like you genuinely cannot bring yourself to feel anything for this person or these people anymore because when you were, they were abusing it. While I was writing ‘abusing’, I mistakenly typed ‘anus’ and that describes them pretty well :D. Despite having experienced all of this, you haven’t hardened. In fact, you’ve softened more. The more pain that you had to experience, undergo and heal from, the more pure hearted, innocent, loving and childlike you’ve gotten. Somehow, your inner child has healed and feels more comfortable expressing themself after everything you’ve experienced. There’s also an acceptance of your own contradictions here. You’re quite misunderstood and have always been. I just heard “I was a mature child so now I’m a childish woman.” You’ve always been mature yet childish. Some of you are incredibly mature on the inside but might be very childlike in the way you live and express yourself externally while it may be the other way around for the rest of you. Also, you have likely embodied both of these sides at different points of your life. There could have been a point when you wanted people to take you seriously because you were very mature on the inside and another point when you wished you could express yourself in a lighter, softer, and more playful manner because you were very sensitive and soft on the inside but on the inside, you ended up expressing yourself as more serious. Having embodied both of these, you are aware that others will criticise and misunderstand you either way, and that you won’t be happy with yourself either if you don’t accept your own contradictions and aren’t comfortable with being misunderstood so now, you don’t really care about whether someone misunderstands you.

“Sometimes I can’t even understand those perceptions, it feels unfair at times but the misunderstandings that make up the countless versions of me. All of them are ‘me’ in the end.” I feel like most of you are perceived as childish and are in fact very pure at heart but having been taken advantage of has caused you to develop a cautious approach and not commit to situations recklessly, and that’s a strength of yours. You also do not really give too much importance to a happy ending anymore. You don’t seek belonging and joy from others anymore, and are fine keeping to yourself and are very careful with the situations, and people that you invest in. The thing is, you’re not exactly closed off. You’re still open, pure hearted, loving and affectionate but it’s just that you’re finally more impatient. You can now leave situations as easily as you entered them if the other person doesn’t seem as invested. You know that you deserve a pure, loving and affectionate connection that is innocent, playful and genuine where you’re always chosen, and can always choose them and share a lot of intimacy with the other person - friend, lover, whatever. So when you don’t see things going to that direction, you don’t mind putting an end to things. You’re not willing to settle for anything except the most genuine and pure form of love, and connection because you know that you can provide it. You want to be treated as softly as you treat people and have them stick with you through thick, and thin with proper investment and to adore you, and value you affectionately and genuinely. You are unwilling to accept anything less than that. Having experienced whatever you experienced, you’re aware that you have a lot to offer but that giving more does not equal to receiving more so you don’t try as hard anymore. You’re still the same, you still try to extend yourself generously and provide value to the other person wholeheartedly but even now, you notice one sidedness, and it doesn’t bother you because you choose to either leave entirely and not invest any further or just pull away, and are not committed to trying and investing anymore. You are fine with getting away from people now.

You are alright with people not seeing your value and missing the opportunity to be in your close circle. You just don’t invest heavily into situations for a long time anymore. You try initially because you’re naturally a giver and are incredibly generous but when you feel like you’re not receiving the same, you don’t even question your worth or think about “why?”, you just let them. Also, this generosity of yours is not a method of finding belonging. It kind of is but it is more about how you feel about yourself rather than how others see you. You want to be kind and generous because you just naturally are a giver, and you find a sense of comfort in how much you do for the world, how much value you provide and how much good you put out into the world even if you don’t have anywhere you find belonging, and joy, even if you don’t have those personal connections. Instead of chasing a ‘happily ever after’ and joy, and fulfilment through external sources and connections, you chase purity of spirit, genuineness and generosity. There’s this mantra coming through but I’m not sure how it will resonate. The following includes mention of the hindu god ‘Shiva’ but even if you’re christian or muslim, or any other religion. I need you to take the message and try to interpret it rather than shunning it completely just because you don’t believe in the god or religion. Let me give you a little piece of advice before we move onto the mantra, if you find anything from other religions or concepts that you don’t follow, believe in or understand but it’s something that resonates with you, could help you going forward and just help you lead a better life, take it. The mantra goes “om tryambakam yajaamahe, sugandhim pushti vardhanam, urvaarukamiva bandhanam, mrityur mukshiya mamritaat.” It translates to “om, we worship the three eyed one (lord shiva), who is fragrant, increasing the nourishment (spiritually). From these many bondages (of samsara aka worldly cycles) similar to cucumbers (tied to their creepers). May I be liberated from death (attachment to perishable things), so that I’m not separated from the perception of immortality.”

I feel like many of you have already reached a point in which you understand that attachments are illusionary. If you haven’t yet, you will. You care about your soul and the truth of it - the purity, essence and nourishment of it more than you care about worldly cycles, and things that are perishable i.e. attachments which is why when you aren’t receiving love, don’t have personal connections or are misunderstood, even if it bothers you, it doesn’t. Your soul is whole and immortal, and so is love and joy, and it’s also ever present as long as one can maintain their soul and its true essence so you are just focused on that. Religions and spirituality both put an emphasis on love, and purity and I don’t mean purity as in not being allowed to enter temples during your periods, etc. but instead that they put an emphasis on remaining loving, always leading with love and keeping the heart as light as a feather. You are doing that and you’re spiritually aligned. Obviously with the hurt that you’ve faced, you sometimes may feel heavy or have felt heavy in the past but you have a loving spirit that is still pure at its core and you maintain it with utmost reverence, and that’s your strength. I was earlier getting the quote “do you know how much anger it took to be this gentle?” And now, I’m getting the bridge of ‘solo’ by Jennie coming through. “After the relationship, romance and emotions there’s breakup, tears, regret, and longing. I like being alone because I should be true to myself. Like the flowing wind, like the stars above the clouds. I want to go faraway, I want to shine brightly.” That’s the energy that you seem to possess, you know what you offer and deserve now, and you let go of any attachments that make you feel less than. If you aren’t here yet, you can be. All the best 💞. You’re doing really well. When it comes to your wounds, you are a stubborn one. You’re really persistent and determined to make things work, and are so busy doing so that you don’t notice when the other person has already given up.

You put in work diligently from the start to the end with consistency which is why it hurts more when they give up because you put so much effort into it. You also have long term intentions or even if you don’t, you put in work as though you do because you naturally are long term oriented and you maintain loyalty consistently without a single slip on your part so when the other person gives up, you feel really betrayed and hurt. Lifelong connections are beautiful because they require work and both parties not wanting to give up. You are willing to make things work by putting your all into whatever it is that you want to succeed because of your long term oriented approach. You don’t just give up without trying, you don’t give up without a fight, you can’t because you just value it so much and want it in the long run so the awareness that when someone wants something in the long run, wants someone on the long run, they won’t just run away when things get hard and they have to put effort in is something that wounds you because people have been too easy to give up in the past. You seem to have dealt with a lack of loyalty from others too and what is upsetting is that you were loyal to them. What seems to have happened is that you met someone (possibly even multiple people for some of you) when they were going through a time of discontentment, stagnation, apathy, isolation, boredom, yearning, etc. and you were present for them consistently but when they got better, they left you behind while you were still putting in work and trying, and they didn’t explicitly tell you that they had given up right away. You fell victim to the classic method of being wounded until you couldn’t try anymore. The wounds could have come from their carelessness, negligence, lack of gratitude or acknowledgement of all that you had done and been for them, or well all of the above.

In fact, for some of you, they could have been wounding you actively by treating you as if you were a burden and talking to you in ways that scarred you. In many cases, it could have been both. Whether their approach was passive, active or both, it was equally bad and you didn’t deserve that. You simply just knew that love and connections were hard work, and were willing to put that in. You knew that things aren’t always easy but you still tried until you absolutely couldn’t anymore. Once you finally gave up, you had to consistently put in work into your own betterment in order to heal the wounds that were inflicted on you back then. You’re showing strength even when I’m trying to tap more into your wounds. Despite how wounded you were, you persisted with courage. You learned from your previous failure and wounds, and endured the pain and managed to get better eventually. I feel like at some point, you tried to maintain strong routines in order to get better and it worked wonders for you. You gained clarity on your past, present and future as well as a desire to be present, pleasant and proud. One thing is for sure, you started wanting to focus on the present moment and make the most out of it. You released your emotions and saw where change was needed, and created those changes. You left the past behind you and grew emotionally to the point of feeling almost enlightened. Now, you’re self aware, focused, content, grateful for what you already have, try to be present, accept yourself and situations as they are, and know your responsibilities and try to carry them out properly. Also, you reflect to learn but try to be and are present. The journey to get here wasn’t an easy one, the path was really rocky and rough with twists, and turns but you still made it. Pat yourself on the back, you’re doing so well. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

Your strength is that you’re a protector and provider, and your wound is that people either don’t see it, take it for granted or are intimidated by it. Also, a very interesting thing that was happening when I was shuffling for you was that I wanted to channel ‘strengths and wounds’ but I kept on messing up and saying ‘strengths and weaknesses’. I feel like it was because your wounds have caused you to feel really weak or have created a weakness within you in some way. Don’t worry, we’ll look into it properly so that you can heal these parts of you and reclaim your power. I just heard that audio “they gonna hate me regardless, that’s why I do what I do.” Also, you’re more of a man than most men are 😭. You’re naturally a protector and provider, and I’m picking up on a lot of passion from you including an emphasis on sexual intimacy. Currently if you’re single, this can simply manifest as feeling horny frequently or/and masturbating a lot (or well just craving that orgasm even if you’re unable to touch yourself) but you’re definitely very passionate in romantic relationships, likely physically affectionate in other ways outside of sexual intimacy as well. You’re friendly and charismatic, and approach others with a fairly soft yet a bold and almost flirty demeanour. I feel like you’re this way with your same sex friends more than anyone else. You have a strong aura and it is because you possess a lot of integrity. ‘Substance over form’ is the kind of person that you are and that’s your strength. You’re really solid on the inside possessing courage, generosity, principles, ethics, a sense of responsibility, maturity, passion, loyalty, so on and so forth. You have turned out to be a strong person with a well rounded and strongly grounded character despite everything that you’ve undergone instead of letting it turn you bitter, and resentful. I’m hearing ‘easy on me’ by Adele. “Go easy on me baby, I was still a child didn’t get the chance to feel the world around me. I had no time to choose what I chose to do. So go easy on me.”

“There ain’t no room for things to change when we are both so deeply stuck in our ways, you can’t deny how hard I’ve tried. I changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up.” Some of you could have childhood trauma - endless sacrifice for your parents while some of you didn’t have parents and did everything to please your guardian(s), and the rest of you dealt with bullying or aggression from others and the ones who don’t relate to any of the above could have lost someone (possibly multiple people) and they could have been acting very egotistically, making you feel weak but it was not exactly your loss even if it may have felt like it at the time. Some of you may have hit the lottery and dealt with all of the above 😍. You could have also lost someone who you sacrificed a lot for. I just got the word ‘everyone’ and earlier at the beginning of the reading I had received the word ‘burnt’. Did you at some point feel like you lost everything and were burnt by everyone? You may have also felt as though you sacrificed a lot, too much of yourself for others in the past. “So you can love me, hate me, you will never be, never be, never be me. Try me, I’ll break free, you will never be, never be, never be me.” The song is literally titled ‘rebel heart’, I feel like back then despite any feeling of weakness and despite surrendering for the sake of peace, and feeling as though you lost, you knew that you hadn’t. You were rebelling from within and not egoistically but by channelling all your inner strength. You’re really confident in yourself now. I’m trying to dig up your past but you’re showing me how great you are in the present. You know that no one can ever be you. “I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.” You value your peace more than anything. You are ethical, reliable, long term oriented and seek excitement, and passion in long term matters rather than by seeking fleeting thrill. In fact, the more safe, stable and grounded a connection is, the more passion, excitement and joy you experience.

You do not feel any desire to wander or be unfaithful, your passion is reserved for just your significant other and your significant only. Like, you don’t even get tempted 💀. For example, if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for years, you’d rather try to experience new sorts of passion and excitement with them rather than get connected with someone new, and ruin something beautiful that you already have going and even if that’s not possible in grand ways just the fact that they’re loyal, and that you share a stable, safe and grounded connection is enough for you to be able to find passion, joy and excitement in the littlest of moments. You don’t get tempted or attracted to others. Also, you watch your character because of who you are as a person and who you want to be rather than to impress anyone. You may be someone who tries to avoid wandering eyes even when you’re single and just really try to watch your character in every way that you can because you are, and want to be a certain way. You’re a really well rounded person - you seek peaceful resolution and if you don’t find that, you seek peace even if it is by yourself, you don’t mind compromising, and have in fact, sacrificed majorly in the past. You know how to make amends with situations by now and you also have a side within you that’s like “I am me, you are you. If you do me dirty, fuck you” but your ethical peace seeking side overrides this. You’re loyal and try to maintain a strong character for yourself rather than for impressions, and are passionate as well. Also, you’re very romantic and care deeply, and genuinely about your partner. You want teeth rottingly sweet romance i.e. the shoulder kisses, climbing up the fences to get into some forbidden property, candlelight dinner, watching fireworks together and you going “so pretty” while looking at the different designs in the sky while they look at you and repeat your words, basically the whole nine yards. You’re also highly capable of it. You’re willing to do anything and everything for your partner as long as it doesn’t go against your morals.

I wonder if many of you are elder daughters or something because there’s so much about sacrifice, maturity and provision. I don’t mean to be a misandrist but I don’t think that I’ve ever met a man this well rounded and with such a strong character. You could have always sacrificed and done so much for your family, provided so much to them, and just been so mature and responsible from such a young age that that’s just who you are now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you already are or will provide financially for your family in the future. “I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water.” It doesn’t mean that your father or any parent left you (though it could be) but that you didn’t feel safe and stable with them so you have become a stable, and reliable individual to feel safe within yourself and to find a partner who provides the same qualities to you. Looking at your wounds, you feel like people let you go too easily. They often chose other people too. Oh my god, I just started hearing ‘the other woman’ by Lana Del Rey. It seems to have been a pattern for you. You were in contact with them in a very consistent manner so it could have been a friend who was using you as a placeholder for a romantic relationship until they found someone to commit to 💀. You are very diligent and have basic human decency so when someone is in your life, even if it is not a situation with commitment involved, you do whatever you can for them and are very present so when you were not fully claimed but not fully let go of, and had them let you go after finding a romantic relationship, you felt really manipulated. By this point, you don’t really question your worth anymore but back then, you wondered if you were unworthy of being chosen and committed to. For those of you who do not resonate with this, when it was time for people to make choices, their loyalties seemed to lie elsewhere. Even the closest connections that you had didn’t live up to their potential and in fact, you felt deceived.

“How long could we be a sad song till we were too far gone to bring back to life I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier. Fighting in only your army, front lines don’t you ignore me, I’m the best thing in this party (you’re losing me) and I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her, and I’m fading thinking ‘do something babe, say something. Lose something babe, risk something. Choose something babe, I’ve got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me.’” “I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore for you cause you’re losing me.” “My heart won’t start anymore, my heart won’t start anymore.” You feel as though you’ve never been able to develop and share deep intimacy, and love with someone that is pure and whole, and where you choose each other again and again. I just heard “she has other friends that she likes better”, you’ve just felt as though everyone chose and enjoyed other peoples company more, and that you were let go of so easily as though you were worthless. “If you feel too abandoned by others, it’s because you’ve abandoned yourself” ofcourse, it’s okay to feel bad about being abandoned and used. ‘Enough for you’ by Olivia Rodrigo is coming through. “Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me. I knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave. You found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone and you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong and you always say I’m never satisfied but I don’t think that’s true cause all I ever wanted was to be enough. Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? So don’t tell me you’re sorry boy, feel sorry for yourself cause someday I’ll be everything to somebody else and they’ll think that I’m so exciting, and you’ll be the one who’s crying. You always say I’m never satisfied but I don’t think that’s true, you say I’m never satisfied but that’s not me, it’s you cause all I ever wanted was to be enough and I don’t think anything could ever be enough for you. No, nothing’s enough for you.”

You felt as though you abandoned yourself and didn’t have any boundaries or standards just because you wanted to be chosen, and loved back then and you’ve forgiven yourself for that, and grown into your power immensely by strengthening your character and I’m so incredibly proud of you but the shame, guilt, regret, and pain that you experienced back then was on another level. You felt as though you failed to maintain loyalty to yourself and choose yourself. There was this sense of having lost yourself due to a desire to be chosen mixed with a feeling of inferiority. You felt inferior and powerless in the connection or well, connections but even after they ended, you felt inferior and powerless, in fact, now that you could see things more clearly, you felt more inferior, powerless and ashamed of yourself. You lacked direction back then and were misdirecting your energy into trying to receive love, and be chosen by acting inferior and slowly started believing it yourself because others treated you like such when you could have been improving yourself, your skills and your life instead. You felt like you betrayed yourself. The song ‘I’ll never fall in love again’ by Dionne Warwick is coming through. “What do you get when you fall in love? A guy with a pin to burst your bubble. That’s what you get for all your trouble. I’ll never fall in love again. I’ll never fall in love again. What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia, after you do, he’ll never phone ya. I’ll never fall in love again. Don’t you know that I’ll never fall in love again? Don’t tell me what it’s all about cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out. Out of those chains, those chains that bind you. That is why I’m here to remind you. What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow.”

You’re a deeply romantic person but due to how genuine you are, how much you offer and all the deception that you’ve faced. You are more focused on your daily routines, money, career, work and study. You might also have a wound regarding skills. You want to develop skills and you know you have it in you but you just haven’t been able to, you just aren’t being able to, you’re being told to keep going consistently. You’re probably rolling your eyes externally or internally at what I just wrote because it’s not like you haven’t tried to develop these skills consistently because you have but that no matter how much you have tried, you just haven’t been able to but you’re still being encouraged to keep going. Having experienced all that you’ve experienced, you’ve become very self and character focused. You care a lot about other people’s character as well as your own. You have high standards now and until you meet someone who matches them close to perfectly, you are not interested in any sort of romance. You really do want to find this person though because you have so much love to give and genuinely want to experience the soft mushy gushy romantic, and passionate kind of romance. You want to experience a soft romcom movie and ‘fifty shades of grey’ kind of romance at the same time with just one person for the rest of your life but it is very important for you to be able to respect, admire and rely on that person. Passion is very important to you in romance and life in general. Due to how you’ve had to take on really responsible roles throughout your life and always hold this sense of responsibility, and duty within you, and how sacrificing and resolution seeking you can be despite a very hot, and strong fire within you. You need a partner who’s more of a man than you are. Someone who is a good leader, passionate, charismatic, go getter, action oriented, loyal, grounded, ethical, responsible, reliable and romantic. Someone who lets you be bratty and express anger, and also doesn’t take advantage of your problem solving, peaceful and resolution seeking nature.

You tend to be fairly submissive on the outside despite the inner strength you possess so you need someone who is happy with themself and doesn’t feel the need to dominate, and belittle you in order to feel better about themself. I’m not going to lie, due to how passionate you are, you have a very competitive and resentful side to you but also you’re very peaceful, and forgiving. You truly are such a well rounded person. You might attract a lot of hostility and aggression due to this. People can pick up on your inner drive but you seem to harmless on the surface that they try to crush your spirit because they just feel a sense of competitiveness, hostility and aggression towards you without any real reason and you have a strong character on the inside so you don’t break externally but instead usually maintain peace so they don’t understand why and how you’re so unaffected 💀😭. You want a partner who can handle your angry and difficult sides, the ones that are deeply passionate. You cannot settle for just anyone because now that you’ve grown as a person, you’ve grown into your character and strength, you get really bad vibes from most people, and notice their faults and flaws quite easily. ‘CO2’ by Prateek Kuhad is the song that I’m getting here. “Maybe it’s the way that you can see what I’m missing what I can never be.” “Maybe it’s the man that you see in me.” Most people won’t be able to live up to your standards due to how high they are but they’re just normal to you because you can live up to them so you don’t need to lower them. You need to look at things differently now, you’re not unworthy, things are better now, life is brighter now. You are likely to intimidate people once they start seeing your character more clearly. The closer that they’ll get to you, the more that they might feel inferior or like they don’t live up to what you need them to be. You can be critical to some extent because of how high your standards are even for yourself but it’s coming as a strength of yours. Only accept those who are actively trying and being able to live up to what your standards are. If someone gives up or doesn’t try, trust me, you’re better off. Those who think that they’re not enough, they know themselves more than you know them because they experience consciousness from within themself, because they can hear their own thoughts and know about their own actions, and tendencies so believe them when they talk or act like they’re not enough. Right now, I’m getting that while you’re capable of romance, you’re focused on consistently bettering yourself, improving your lifestyle, your career, money, routines, work and studies. You are on the right path. It’s okay to want romance but don’t ever lower your standards by even just an inch or a millimetre because you can live up to your own and you deserve an equal. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

(TW: Mentions of abuse, sexual assault, etc.)

Some of you have daddy issues or some kind of issue caused by aggressive people but there’s a strong theme of boys and men here. There are so many scenarios coming through, you’re obviously not going to relate to all of them. For some of you, you’ve just dealt with aggression, threatening your sense of belonging while some of you have dealt with abandonment from either or both parents or just an absence of them, there are even mentions of abuse here for some of you if your parents were present. An angry father or parental figure? If not, you have had terrible experiences with the male gender. It could be something as simple as having boys make fun of you in middle school. These incidents have wounded you really deeply. I’m having a really hard time putting all the scenarios down. There’s definitely some sort of a deep wound when it comes to belonging - be it family, home, community, school or work. Also little incidents grew into real big ones that I’m hearing traumatised you. For example, you got with some guy, that changed the entire trajectory of your life. The thing is, you received a lot of intolerance from everyone for a major part of your life. It escalated close to abuse, violence and bullying at some point, and for many of you, it could have had something to do with a guy. Don’t get me wrong, it would have been a part of your life either way. People just have been so aggressive, unruly and intolerant towards you for no reason, you didn’t deserve that but I will explain how it could have had something to do with a guy for many of you. For example, you got into a relationship with some guy, you could have been heavily criticised by other people who also liked and wanted him considered you to be ‘not good enough’ for him just for this guy to break up with you in a disrespectful manner with no regard for you whatsoever, and after that, I’m getting that either the aggression and bullying from other people intensified or the effects of the previous unruly treatment started affecting you intensely.

Many of you have dealt with an abusive situation even if it’s just emotionally though it could have been physically for some of you (by parents, romantic partners, etc.) Do not invalidate your experiences ever because even if others might think that it was not abuse, it definitely was. It affected you so deeply, I’m not even being able to express it properly. I’m just crying right now. If you didn’t deal with any of the above situations. Though, I believe that many of you have dealt with all or at least majority of what I’m mentioning. Then, you dealt with guy friends who were using you for an ego boost and acted as though you wanted them so bad if you simply tried to keep the friendship going or tried to fix things instead of ending them. Guys have made you feel really preyed on. People in general have but guys especially. Some of you could have even dealt with men trying to assault you sexually. It could have been something as simple as someone forcefully kissing you as a child or making you watch porn. Something like this could have happened when you were a teen or an adult too but I just got that since kids are the most vulnerable, it likely happened to many of you as kids. Oh my god, no way. I just heard “he doesn’t like cougars, he likes little kids. He stopped liking me when I turned eighteen.” I feel like your life has always been this way. Having people walk all over you and treat you like shit but it got especially worst in your teen years. I’m not sure what happened at fourteen and seventeen specifically but seventeen was your last straw, and your experiences all the way from when you were fourteen contributed to finally realising the truth. In fact, your experiences before that contributed too but I’m picking up that mistreatment and aggression were/felt the most extremely during your teenage years. Any childhood abuse or mistreatment, or instability, you realised the truth of all of that through what you experienced during your teenage years. People genuinely just lacked compassion towards you and you had to deal with a lot of loneliness.

It is like anytime that you were not keeping to yourself and connecting with others, they were abusing, using and mistreating you. People used to treat you aggressively, make fun of you and mistreat you for their own sick sense of enjoyment, in order to boost their ego, and have fun. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve all that. Even when you were with people, you were very lonely and felt insecure, and lacking due to the way they used to treat you and once you finally got away, you felt incredibly insecure, unstable, and lacking but you chose that over mistreatment from others and that’s how you grew. “Don’t be afraid to stand alone. Don’t be afraid to stand outside your comfort zone. I know it’s hard away from home and it ain’t easy all alone.” You had a strong thirst for knowledge from since you were a kid but during this time of loneliness, it transformed into a need. You were seeking truth and clarity because you genuinely needed it to move forward but you have always possessed some sort of a divine knowledge. Which is why you were able to be so compassionate, still and passive at the face of such mistreatment, aggressiveness and lack of compassion. Divinity exists within all of us and you were aware of that. So you naturally acted like the bigger person until you couldn’t anymore but this breakdown caused you to get closer to your own truth. You started realising that while it’s good to learn through external sources, true knowledge and wisdom is something that we are just born with, and that anything else that comes through, it should come from within. For example, we are not born racists, as kids, all we want is to receive and give love, and we are active, and full of life, that’s the only knowledge that truly matters - the ability to be yourself in your highest, most divine and purest form. You also realised just how shitty the treatment that you received in the past was and how lonely, and insecure you were.

You may have felt at home with these people or shared a community with them but even so, you decided to act with integrity and do right by you even if it required loneliness or/and isolation. For some of you, after all of this had passed, you met someone who you felt really at home with but for some reason, you still had to logically act out of fairness and had to reward them with the consequences of their actions rather than with negotiation. The trajectory of your growth has been amazing. One of your strengths is your sense of hope and faith. You felt like you’d never get anything good in life and that your life was doomed, and that you’d be lonely and empty forever but you still kept going, and you managed to get better so now you have hope and faith regarding life. Back then, you just wanted to feel better, get better and now, you have so now you have a sense of direction, you’re focused on nourishing yourself. You are connected to your core essence and are comfortable with your vulnerability, and sense of nakedness i.e. your authenticity. You’re nourishing and loving yourself wholeheartedly in any, and every way possible though. Yes, there’s always room for improvement. Like, for example, you may do your skincare, workout and do your work diligently but you may not eat all three meals so you could work on that, etc. But definitely, you try to make sure to eat even if you’re busy because your nourishment means a lot to you. You might be unable to have all three meals but you try. You’re very intense in terms of romance and also really romantic. but you don’t try to put in time, energy, and effort into romance anymore unless the other person comes to you first and is consistently present, and shows promise of a solid future but you’re very content being alone. You in fact, really enjoy it. You are on a journey of self discovery and improvement, and understand yourself and love very deeply due to how much time you’ve spent alone, by yourself, in contemplation, and soul searching.

You’ve drawn out a lot of wisdom from within yourself. You’re spiritually enlightened and don’t mind being alone or different. Even if it is difficult, even if you’re considered to be difficult, you want to be yourself. “Share my life, take me for what I am cause I’ll never change all my colours for you. Take my love, I’ll never ask for too much, just all that you are and everything that you do.” You’re aware by now that it is nothing except self betrayal to try to earn love by changing yourself because even if you manage to receive love, they won’t be living ‘you’ and if you don’t win them over, you’d have lost yourself in the process, and would feel terrible about yourself so you’d rather be alone but yourself. That one bible story is coming through here. “Jacob agreed to work for seven years to marry Rachel, the woman he loved but was deceived by her father Laban and ended up marrying her older sister, Leah. Though he fulfilled his time and eventually married Rachel too, Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. Seeing that Leah was unloved, god allowed her to bear children while Rachel remained barren. With each son she bore, Leah hoped that Jacob would finally love her - naming her first Reuben, saying, “now my husband will love me”, her second Simeon because “the lord has heard that I am hated”, and her third Levi, thinking, “now my husband will become attached to me.” However, Jacob’s heart did not change. When she bore her fourth son, Judah, Leah no longer pleaded for her husband’s affection but simply said, “this time I will praise the lord.” You seem to be aware of the fact that love that is not freely given can never be earned so you don’t even try. If you found the kind of love that you desire, if you found someone who loved and cherished you, you would be intensely passionate and romantic, honestly to an extreme but that’s because, that’s just who you are. You’d indulge in it very deeply. You’d experience the feeling of being ‘drunk in love’.

“With you, there’s silence in a crowd. There’s a little unconsciousness, with you, because of you.” You’d make an intense lover who loves incredibly deeply but you’re not interested in trying to earn anyone’s love in order to channel your romantic energy. You might in fact, have these sides of you pretty hidden. All of you have different kinds of personality but all of you have a very meek one. Some of you are more of the silent kind, some of you may be talkative when with others and might seem really social, and some of you might manage to do both but if you do have a talkative and social side, there’s this thing about you in which once you are out of that social situation, you struggle to stay in touch with others, isolate yourself and randomly disappear. Also, the more time that you spend in a social situation and with certain people, the more silent and internal that you tend to get. I’m loving all the messages that are coming through for your strengths. We don’t see through our eyes, we see through our minds. Our eyes are just a medium for us to perceive the external world and interact with it. There’s so much in the world about ‘finding god’ or ‘figuring out the meaning of life’, people just want to know where and how it all started, and where and how we will all end up after death so they seek god but do they really manage to find divinity? Most people don’t because god made it so simple yet so tricky to find them by choosing to reside where they’re currently residing i.e. within each person. Most people aren’t able to comprehend that divinity can reside within them because they think that figuring out the mysteries of life and receiving answers is much more complicated than that, and that’s okay but they’d easily find divinity, god, whatever they want to call it if they only turned their vision inside and looked within themselves. Most of you are aware of this truth so you try to keep yourself as clean, good and pure spirited as possible because divinity should not reside in a dirty place. It does not have to be conscious awareness or conscious trying but you’re just incredibly internal and have learned so much from going within yourself that you’ve found your guide there, your divinity itself and you’re well aligned with your life purpose. If you’re not quite there yet, you soon will be. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that the reading resonated and that it provided you with the answers, and guidance that you wanted and needed. Much love and take care 💋.

#pac reading #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #pick a card #pick a deck #intuitive readings #pick a photo

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criminalyapping · 3 days ago

Text

the way you look tonight

the pitt masterlist main masterlist

pairing: michael robinavich x f!reader

a/n: sexy old man mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

and listen fanfiction is what you make it so what i say goes. yes everyone isn't working and no i dont know who's working while they're not there. suspend your disbelief for me, pls. also don't ask me about timelines and how all of these interns and residents still work there i have a very rudimentary understanding of how doctor school works

i learned the difference between discretely and discreetly for this fic

warnings: SMUT (mdni!!!!!!!!), language, also somehow this turned into like dom!reader which is usually not my specialty but there is something about this man with the eyes of bambi that pulled it out of me

Robby was proud of Frank, he really is. He went to rehab, albeit begrudgingly, but put in the work and took responsibility for his actions. Frank had hit the lowest point in his life. Remembering fighting with Dr. Robby, his attending- no, his friend, whom he knew cared about him, and he threw his trauma back in his face. It made Frank sick. So did telling his wife why he was suddenly unemployed and going away for a stint in rehab.

From what Robby knows, Abby hadn't taken it well. Rightfully so. She had taken the kids and moved back to her parents' house in Boston, telling Frank that she would come back when he was clean and employed once again.

Now, almost a year later, Robby is able to sit on an uncomfortable chair in the blazing summer sun, and watch as Frank and Abby renew their wedding vows.

And even better than that, he gets to see you, his gorgeous and radiant wife, sitting next to him and dressed to the nines.

Robby always thinks you're gorgeous; waking up in the morning, taking a shower, unloading the dishwasher, reading a book, all of it. But there's something so special about seeing you in a pretty dress, makeup and hair impeccably done, and hanging off his arm as he chats with his friends and coworkers.

The ceremony had been beautiful, a lovely testament what they had been through together and chosen to work together to overcome. It made Robby misty-eyed, with you sliding him a tissue discreetly.

"Come on, honey," he prompts when the ceremony is over, holding out his arm for you to take as you walk down the aisle together and head toward the reception space.

"Hi! Mrs. Robby!" Mel exclaims, coming up to walk beside you.

"Hi, Mel," you greet with a smile, "how are you doing?" you ask.

Mel was your favorite of Michael's coworkers. You get dinner with her and Becca every Thursday evening.

"I'm good! The ceremony was so beautiful!" she exclaims.

"Agreed, and god, Mel, that dress looks amazing on you!" you compliment.

The three of you quickly find your seats at a round table, surrounded by ED coworkers of Michael's.

"Hi Mrs. Robby!" Samira greets, Jack sitting next to her with an arm thrown over the back of her chair.

"Hi everybody!" you greet, smiling at everyone around the table. Before you can sit down, Dana is out of her seat and giving you a tight squeeze of a hug.

"Good to see you," she murmurs in your ear.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Michael asks, sitting down with a groan.

"We see enough of you at work." Santos tells him.

He puts a hand over his heart and groans like he's in pain at the jab.

He smiles at you in the seat next to him.

"You want a drink, honey?" he asks.

"Yes please, I'll have whatever wine they have, thank you," you agree.

He plants a kiss on you as he gets up to get your drinks.

Jack wolf whistles teasingly, to which Micheal rolls his eyes.

You chat and catch up with his coworkers, giving updates on your own job in return.

"-and then, she looks at me and she says, with her whole chest, that I have to figure it out, even though I didn't even cause the problem in the first place!" you exclaim, laughing at your work woes.

A soft touch on your shoulder alerts you to your husbands return, slowly lowering a glass of wine into your hands.

"Thank you, honey," you smile, taking a sip.

You chat and laugh with the group, grateful for the time you get to spend with them.

As a nice, slow song starts to play over the speakers, Michael gently pulls you away from the conversation you're having with Dana and Javadi.

You grin, standing up and follow the gentle leading towards the dance floor.

You wrap your arms around his neck as his hands go to either side of your waist.

"Have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?" he asks lowly, face inches from yours.

"Oh, maybe once or twice," you joke. He's told you probably 20 times tonight something to that effect.

"I have no idea how I got so lucky." he says wistfully.

"I think you're selling yourself short there, honey." you rebut, "my husband is incredibly attractive." you purr.

"You're giving a poor man ideas, babe." he laughs.

"Ooo, what kind of ideas would those be?" you tease, knowing exactly where his mind has gone.

"Ideas about you and me," he says lowly, "and finding a place that I can take this dress off of you."

"Well, it might have to be more like lifting it up." you whisper.

You sway slowly together until the song is over, looking at each other with love in your eyes.

"Okay," Michael starts, patting your ass twice, "go find a spot and text me." he instructs.

"Okay," you giggle, walking towards the bathrooms. You find a single stall bathroom with a functioning lock and quickly text Michael.

It's not the most glamorous place to fuck your husband, but believe it or not, you've done worse. While you wait, you fix up your hair and work on reapplying your lip gloss.

The door is flung open a few moments later, and Michael catches you swiping more gloss onto your lips. The door shuts behind him loudly and he clicks the lock into place with finality. You smile at him in the mirror and slowly put the lid back on your gloss and put it into your purse, which you place on top of the paper towel dispenser. You finally turn around to face him, giving him a heated look.

“Come here, baby.” you invite.

Michael jumps at the chance, immediately crowding into your space and laying a hand on the side of your face. The hard ceramic of the sink is digging into your back as his chest pushes against yours.

Feeling impatient, you surge up onto your tiptoes and kiss him hard. He responds immediately, deepening the kiss as you make soft, satisfied sounds into his mouth. You push open your legs as you perch on the edge of the sink, pulling him in by the lapels of his suit jacket and feel him, hard in his slacks, starting to rut against you.

You lift your chin slightly, leaving him to press his face into the side of yours, his glasses askew. You chuckle as you reach down to his belt and begin to undo it.

“You just couldn’t wait until we got home?” you ask teasingly, “You need it right now, at your friends wedding?” you ask, hand slipping down the front of his pants and gripping him, starting to move painstakingly slowly up and down.

“Ye-yeah,” he chokes out at the feeling of you running a fingernail over his tip.

“I got ya,” you giggle as you move your hand faster. Michael puts his fist into his mouth and bites down, his other hand cradling the back of your head.

He’s panting out humid, fast breaths right into your ear as you continue working on him.

“Please, let me…” he trails off, one of his hands now trailing up your thigh over your dress.

“Let you what, hm?” you tease.

“Let me fuck my wife, huh?” he pleads, “what do you expect, walking around, looking like this and looking at me like you do.”

You shiver at the raspy tone of his voice and the desperation in which he’s asking for you.

“Okay, one second,” you agree, pushing him back from you slightly. You hop off of your perch on the sink and turn around, now facing the mirror, and lower yourself onto your elbows.

“Alright, come on,” you urge your husband.

Immediately, his hands are dragging up the silky material of your dress, pooling it around your waist and tugging down your underwear and leaving them to hang around your knees.

You smile gleefully into the mirror and at the expression on Michael’s face and he lines himself up to you and pushes in quickly. His head tips back and his eyes fall closed, lost in the feeling of you.

“God, honey, I love you.” he pants. His glasses are still crooked on his face.

You love seeing the effect you have on him.

He starts moving, quickly, shoving you onto your tiptoes as he pushes you forward with the force of his thrusts.

You gasp out a moan at his quick pace, swiftly remembering where you are and clamping your mouth shut to the best of your ability.

“Mmm,” you hum, still watching him in the mirror as he loses himself in you. His hand comes up to your face and covers your mouth for you. With the size of his hand, it’s more like he covers the entire bottom half of your face, his wedding ring clacking against your front teeth with every movement.

You’re both desperately trying not to make noise, but the muffles and choked off gasps and groans filling the bathroom get you off just as much as the loud noises he makes when uninhibited.

Michael’s hand that isn’t covering your mouth quickly slides between your legs and starts running tight, fast circles over you. You whine out a long sound into his palm, tensing your back to pull you up and towards his chest.

You can tell that he’s getting close, with his mouth open but silent, and the movement of his hips becoming jerky.

You end up making it there first, thrown over the edge by his fingers on you and his deep, quick thrusts. Your eyes roll back into your head as you choke out a moan into his hand as he kisses the side of your head.

“Shit,” he whispers as he comes, spilling inside of you.

He braces his hands on the sink on either side of yours and leans down, resting some of his weight onto you. He pulls his hand away from your mouth, seeing it as well as your chin and cheeks covered in your lip gloss.

“Here, honey,” he whispers, pulling a paper towel from the dispenser and gently wiping it across your face.

“Thank you,” you say when he’s done. He helps you situate yourself; making sure your dress isn’t twisted, fixing the back part of your hair that you can’t see, and wiping the smudged mascara out from the corners of your eyes.

He still somehow looks impeccable, which is unfair.

“I love you,” he praises, pressing exaggerated kisses all over your face that he holds between his hands. “Muah, muah, muah,”

The action makes you giggle, pressing a final kiss to his lips before pushing him away.

“Okay, I’ll see you back out there.” you promise.

You make your way down the meandering hallways and return to your seat at the table.

Robby returns a second later, falling into the seat next to you.

“Robby, man, where’s my drink?” Jack asks him. “Took you forever and you didn’t even get it?”

“Uhhhh,” Michael starts, a blush adorning his face as the members of the table all turn to look at him. “Be right back,” he says, swiftly getting up and walking towards the bar.

You throw your arms up in irritation with him leaving you to this pack of wolves.

You turn around with a grimace to sly smiles and raised eyebrows.

“You know him,” you try lamely, “always forgetting things.”

“Sure,” Dana agrees good-naturedly, patting the back of your chair.

#the pitt #the pitt imagine #the pitt x reader #michael robinavitch #michael robinavitch x you #dr robby x reader #dr robby imagine

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vigilante-3073 · 2 days ago

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Daddy's Credit Card

Cullen Family x Female Vampire Reader

Jacob Black x Female Reader

PART 12

Summary: Y/N continues to spend increasing amounts of time with Jacob and Carlisle worries that she isn't taking her health seriously.

TW: Arguments, mentions of medical testing/treatments/injuries

Carlisle paced the floor of his office, clicking Y/N's contact on his screen and lifting the phone up to his ear. Carlisle had given Y/N a lot of leeway, but her tests showed that her condition was continuing to worsen.

Carlisle understood that she may be feeling better, but she shouldn't be pushing herself. Y/N and Jacob had been spending a concerning amount of time away from the house in the last few weeks. Y/N had been dismissive, refusing testing while continuing to disappear for hours on end with Jacob.

Carlisle had previously encouraged them to spend time together, but now he was beginning to regret it.

Carlisle had been waiting for Y/N to return home all night and had been calling her for the last two hours. Carlisle couldn't shake the tension that blanketed his body.

What if she was injured? What if Jacob had lost her? What if she had done something stupid?

Carlisle shook his head with a huff as he heard Y/N's voicemail message for the tenth time in the last hour.

"Still nothing?" Edward questioned from the doorway, Carlisle shook his head.

"I haven't been able to reach her," He said.

"Bella hasn't been able to get ahold of Jacob either," Edward stated.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Carlisle muttered, setting his cellphone down on the edge of his desk.

Edward turned his head slightly, both of them falling silent as they heard the faint sound of Jacob's motorcycle approaching. Edward and Carlisle wordlessly made their way out of his office and through the house.

Carlisle descended the stairs with Edward following closely behind him. He opened the door and stepped outside as Jacob helped Y/N off the back of his motorcycle.

"Are you alright? I've been calling you for hours," Carlisle said.

"I'm fine," Y/N replied dismissively.

"Where have you been?" Edward asked, crossing his arms.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I spent the night at Jacob's house," Y/N snapped.

"Y/N, you should have come home last night... What if something happened while you were away? Every second counts when dealing with an unexplained illness like this," Carlisle questioned.

"I'm not going to spend whatever time I have left as a lab rat, Carlisle," Y/N stated, walking up the stairs and into the house without another word.

"It was my idea for her to spend the night. Not hers," Jacob said.

"I appreciate that you care for her, but her situation is very precarious at this time, Jacob. She needs to be here where we can intervene quickly if something goes wrong," Carlisle replied.

"She just wants some normalcy. I get that you all want to keep her in this little bubble, but she should have the chance to actually live before she dies," Jacob stated, making his way up to the house.

Carlisle shifted on his feet, turning towards his son, "This is not going to end well," Edward muttered.

Carlisle didn't reply, reluctantly returning back into the house and walking up to Y/N's bedroom. He lingered in the doorway, watching her as she shrugged off her jacket with a grimace.

"Are you in pain?" Carlisle questioned.

"I'm fine," Y/N snapped.

Carlisle sighed softly, "I don't want you to be angry with me, Y/N. I worry because I care and want you to be safe," He said.

"I hate what my life is turning into... I can't do anything without everyone being all over me about it," Y/N said angrily, tossing her jacket on the bed.

Carlisle tensed as the hem of her shirt lifted slightly, "I need to see your back," He said.

"We're in the middle of a conversation," Y/N snapped.

"Yes, you can get back to scolding me after you let me look at you," Carlisle said, stepping closer to her.

Y/N rolled her eyes, allowing him to lift up the hem of her shirt. Her side and back were covered in large purple bruises.

"Did you get into an accident while you were away?" Carlisle asked.

"No, why?" Y/N replied.

"You're covered in bruises, Y/N," He stated.

Her brow furrowed in confusion as she looked down at her side. Carlisle touched the skin carefully with his fingertips, applying gentle pressure to the bruise.

"Does that hurt?" He questioned, she nodded.

"You didn't notice any bruising or pain overnight?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Y/N said.

"I want to check your vitals, take some blood and do an ultrasound," Carlisle listed, gently moving his fingertips over her ribcage.

She made a soft noise in her throat, grimacing as she flinched away from his touch.

"I think your ribs may be broken," Carlisle stated.

"How? I didn't even do anything," Y/N said.

"I don't know," Carlisle replied.

...

Edward sat in the chair at Y/N's bedside, silently watching over her as she slept. Carlisle's testing had revealed that Y/N's body was almost entirely depleted of calcium and the clotting factors in her blood were concerningly low. This meant that her bones were incredibly brittle and any bleeding could easily become unmanageable.

Carlisle quickly placed her on bedrest, restricting her activity as much as he possibly could. X-rays revealed that Y/N had multiple broken ribs and fractured bones all over her body.

The pain soon became apparent and Carlisle ensured that Y/N was given the necessary medications to relieve her discomfort. She had been sleeping steadily for the last few hours, only stirring when the pain began to resurface.

Y/N shifted with a grimace and Edward sat forward in his chair. He watched her as she struggled to find a comfortable position before standing up from his seat. Edward moved over to the door, opening it and leaning out into the hallway.

"She's in pain," He stated.

Carlisle nodded, standing up from his seat and making his way down the hallway. Jacob stood as Carlisle slipped into the room, slowly approaching Edward as Y/N was given another dose of pain medication.

"I can take over," Jacob offered, Edward nodded.

Jacob lingered by the doorway as Edward returned to the living room. Carlisle lifted the blankets over Y/N before quietly exiting the bedroom.

"Is this the only thing we're doing for her now? Dosing her up when the pain becomes too much?" Jacob questioned.

"I don't like this either, Jacob. But there's nothing else I can do for her right now. Tests are pending and hopefully we'll get some good news," Carlisle said.

"We both know that she didn't want to end up like this," Jacob stated.

"It was unavoidable," Carlisle replied simply.

"We could have let her go out on her own terms," Jacob said, Carlisle tensed for a moment before steeling himself.

"Maybe you should return home for a while, Jacob. This situation doesn't need to become more difficult than it already is," Carlisle said calmly.

"I'm not leaving her," Jacob responded, making his way over to Y/N's bed.

Carlisle didn't reply, closing the door quietly before returning to sit with his family. Jacob stepped out of his shoes, lifting the blankets and laying down in the bed behind Y/N.

Jacob shifted closer to her, carefully wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body back against his chest. Y/N exhaled softly as she settled back into his warmth, body relaxing in his grasp.

Her fingers brushed over the back of his hand gently as she intertwined their fingers, "Thank you for staying," She mumbled.

"Can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be," Jacob replied.

...

Y/N's strength and mobility had become increasingly limited as the days went on. She could barely manage to make it to the bathroom without being carried. Y/N had lost a great deal of weight, her bones stuck out from under her skin as she wasted away to nothing.

Carlisle tried to get her repositioned in bed or moved to a chair to keep her from resting on any newly exposed bony prominences. The last thing she needed was a bedsore on top of everything else she was already going through. Carlisle had her on fluids the majority of the time, but her nutritional intake was virtually inexistent.

Y/N couldn't keep anything down and the constant vomiting had led to a tear forming in her esophagus. She had been throwing up blood for days and she remained anemic after countless blood transfusions.

Nothing was helping and Carlisle was running out of options. Y/N was miserable and everyone could clearly see that she wasn't getting any better.

Carlisle had been moving her out into the living room every day, hoping that a change of scenery or some television would distract her.

It didn't.

Y/N barely spoke, staring off into space as she struggled to cope with the pain in her throat and body. Jacob stayed close to her at all times, watching over her for as long as he could before eventually falling into a dreamless sleep.

Y/N slept on the couch with her body leaned back against Jacob's side. She shifted slightly in her sleep and he looked down at her, waiting for her to settle before his eyes returned to the television.

Bella watched him from across the room, smiling slightly at how caring he was. Y/N was truly lucky to have him at her side during such a hard time.

"What are you smiling about?" Edward questioned quietly, standing beside her.

"I think he likes her," Bella replied, watching Jacob as he pulled the blanket up over Y/N's body.

Edward huffed a laugh, "Of course he does... They understand each other in a way that most people don't," He said.

"I can hear you," Jacob muttered, not bothering to tear his eyes away from the football game on the screen.

Y/N brow furrowed as she opened her eyes, "Are you okay?" Jacob questioned.

She shook her head, turning slightly with a grimace, "Wanna go back to bed?" Emmett asked, Y/N nodded.

Emmett stood up from his seat, moving over to her, "I can take her," Jacob offered.

"Nah, don't worry about it. You stay here, I can sit with her for a while," Emmett said.

"Okay, let me know when you want to trade off," Jacob replied.

"Will do," Emmett nodded, bending down and sliding his arms underneath her body carefully.

Emmett lifted her up and she let out a cry of pain as a soft cracking noise filled the room. Carlisle shot up from his chair, rushing over to them as Jacob shifted off the couch.

"Lay her down as gently as you can manage. Edward, get the portable x-ray machine and bring it over here," Carlisle instructed quickly.

Emmett lowered her down on the couch again, removing his arms from under her body, "I'm so sorry. I don't even know what I did," Emmett said.

"Her bones are incredibly fragile. You were as gentle with her as you could have been," Carlisle replied, kneeling down on the floor beside the couch.

"Where does it hurt? Your back?" He asked.

"Yeah," Y/N whimpered, eyes glossing over with tears as her body trembled.

Edward returned with the x-ray machine, Carlisle slid the board underneath her before taking a few images. He viewed the pictures for a moment before turning off the machine.

"How bad is it?" Jacob questioned, holding onto Y/N's hand.

"Her back is broken.... We should get her back into her bed and I think we need to refrain from moving her," Carlisle stated.

"What kind of life is that?" Jacob questioned.

"Jacob, please, not now," Carlisle said firmly.

"No, we can't keep pretending that she's gonna be fine. We need to talk about what we're doing for her because this isn't working. She's throwing up blood, can't eat, can't talk, her bones shatter like glass and she's in pain every single day," Jacob listed angrily.

"You people claim to care about her, but this isn't what loving someone should look like. You're selfish. All of you. She told you exactly what she wanted and none of you even considered it. Y/N deserves to make the choice about how her life ends, not any of you," Jacob continued.

"You really want to kill the girl that you love, Jacob?" Edward questioned, his tone was eerily calm.

Jacob glared at him, "I want what's best for her," He spat.

"Carlisle just needs more time. He could find the cure for whatever this is tomorrow and it'll be for nothing if she's dead," Edward snapped.

"She should have-," Jacob began.

"There isn't one," Carlisle stated, swiftly cutting Jacob off.

The room fell silent, "What?" Jacob asked softly.

"There isn't a cure... I don't know what this is, neither does the Volturi," Carlisle said.

"You said that we weren't going to involve them in this," Edward said.

"I had no other choice. I tried everything that I could, but found nothing... The Volturi was my last option and they've never heard of anything like this," Carlisle said.

"How long have you known this?" Rosalie questioned.

"Two months," Carlisle stated.

Jacob felt his body temperature rise, anger burning like a fire in his gut. Edward looked over at him, "You need to go before you hurt Y/N," He instructed.

"This isn't over," Jacob growled as he stormed out of the room, bumping harshly into Carlisle as he raced out of the house.

"Jacob," Y/N called softly, crying out in pain as she attempted to sit up.

"He'll be back, he just needs some time to calm down," Bella assured, desperately hoping that she was right.

Jacob ignored her cry as he rushed into the woods, skin burning with fury as his body trembled. He threw off his clothes, breathing heavily as the wolf took over. He sprinted through the forest as fast as he could, claws digging into the dirt as he ran.

Jacob had never been more enraged in his entire life. These people were monsters. Carlisle had known that he couldn't save Y/N for two months and hadn't said a thing.

Jacob believed that Carlisle would figure out what had caused her illness and cure her. He hoped that they could be together for more than her final days and he felt like a fool.

They had both been through so much and Jacob had been planning a future that they could never have. Jacob wasn't sure when Y/N became such an important person in his life, but she had found a way into his heart.

Jacob had fallen in love with her and now he would have to watch her die.

Bella had shattered his heart and he had finally started to put the pieces back together when he met Y/N. They were two broken people who needed someone on their side.

Jacob wasn't ready to lose her, but he knew that he didn't have a choice.

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snoopyreadstoday · 16 hours ago

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𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 | 𝑶𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓 𝑷𝒊𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊 𝒙 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 (Prologue)

Summary: World Champion Oscar Piastri goes home to escape the press, the pressure, and Monaco’s overpriced coffee. What he gets instead is: – One (1) sprained-ankle sister – A camp full of loud children – A counselor t-shirt he did not sign up for – And you—back from Minnesota with sunburn, sass, and unfinished business. You were childhood friends. Nothing more. Never were. Right?

Genre: Rom-com (but i don’t really think i’m funny), hurt and comfort, childhood friends to lovers, reuniting, maybe smut (yet to be decided) , summer au, Austrailian summer

Warning: Cheating (not Oscar nor reader), blood, kids, injury descriptions, drug-use (Weed), an attempt on sounding Australian, errors (tell me if you find any or help me make it accurate please), English is NOT my first language. Wc: 739

also credits to @purefantasia and @cyberbeat for the summer/orange dividers

Sunday Kind of Love Prologue

December 2025

It’s finally over—he’s done it. The reign of Red Bull has ended, and he’s the new World Champion. Yet he’s still stuck in Monaco signing deals and answering the press.

This isn’t right, he thought. Monaco is nice but it isn’t home. His mum always told him he could always book that flight and he’d be welcomed.

Book that flight he did.

—

“You look terrible.” He says as Hattie opens the door–Hattie immediately slams it back and rolls her eyes.

“Mum the Bogan is home!” she yells as Oscar enters their home regardless. “About time,” Nicole yells from the kitchen as she wipes her wet hands on the rag on the dishwasher.

Their house smells like coffee that his mum was brewing, he can see their family photos around the walls, their childhood artwork, their racing trophies, random medals pinned and hanging on the walls—inside he can hear an acoustic version of a kpop song that hattie currently likes.

It was a large enough home for a family of six—His eyes paused on a photo tucked between old race medals—a girl on his back, both of them covered in mud, grinning like they had nothing else to worry about. The flag in her hand drooped in the wind, just like it had that day at the junior camp. She’d moved not long after. Minnesota, wasn’t it? Something about her dad’s job and studying. He never asked why she stopped writing back. Or maybe he never replied. He didn’t remember now. He just remembered that smile.“How are you Oscar?” Nicole chuckles as she gives her son a warm hug then suddenly takes a step forward to look behind him. “Why–What are you–looking for?” Oscar chuckles at his mother’s actions. His mum frowns.

“Oscar. No…” she sighs. “What, Mum?” he says flatly. “No girlfriend?” she blurts, aghast.

Hattie on the kitchen counter chuckles as she scrolls on her phone. “World Champion, zero game. Tragic, really,” Hattie deadpans without looking up. Oscar rolls his eyes at the comment. “I thought you living in monaco would’ve given you a chance to go socialize or date Oscar, like you getting that freedom and all that.” His mum bites her nails as she questions her life choices.

“Mum stop biting your gah– it's alright I don’t need a girlfriend—I mean I was literally busy driving around in circles around the world for a living. That's the least of my problems. And plus World champion. I’ll be fine I promise.” He states softly.

Nicole smiles then reaches for his son’s cheek. “I know and I’m proud of you for that, we all are but Oscar you're 24–your sisters all have partners now. Even hattie who I genuinely thought will continue liking some korean boy band bloke who doesn’t even know she existed.” Hattie’s eyes widening at that comment. “Hey!” she exclaims as her cheeks flare red. He chuckles at both his mum’s comment and Hattie’s reaction.

“Okay, Mum—I’ll get a girlfriend eventually. Whatever makes you happy. But for now I’ll take that nap because jetlagged.” he says trying to assure his mother as he slithers away carrying his luggage with him to his childhood bedroom.

“I doubt he’ll get a girlfriend, I mean he literally hangs his dirty socks on the oven once.” she sighs.

“Mum, you didn’t actually think I wouldn’t get a boyfriend right?” Hattie absentmindedly says.

“Oh! Do you hear that must be the washing gotta go.” Nicole runs as she leaves Hattie in the living room. — Inside his childhood bedroom, Oscar throws himself against the bed and sighs deeply. He breathes in the scent of the new laundry smell of his pillow, then turns his head on the bedside table—noticing an old brown stuffed teddy bear dressed as a doctor.

He chuckles as he reaches for it. Giving it a light press the Teddy’s speaker then says; “The Doctors In, How can I Help you today.”

Oscar sighs then he picks up his phone and snaps a photo of the teddy.

‘Finally home <3.’ Added to story.

He contemplates taking the photo down, it might seem unnatural to others. He just doesn’t usually upload photos on Instagram of random or sentimental things other than promotional stuff or when tasked to but he doesn’t he just closes his eyes and lets the sleep take over him.

Meanwhile Somewhere in Melbourne.

ynusername liked your story.

Authors note : Hi guys , i gaslighted myself thinking i can write lol, i easily submit to peer pressure anyways here's the real prologue ask me to tag me if you want for the first chapter (⚠️I won't update if there's no reblogs!!!)

#oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x lando norris #oscar piastri #f1 x reader #oscar piastri oneshot #mclaren #op81 #op81 x reader #lando norris #x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fanart #f1 fanfiction #f1 #f1 oneshot #ao3

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mullermilkshake · 15 hours ago

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Just like a pill

Part 19 <- Part 20 -> Part 21

Jinwoo goes back for Hae-in and makes some house rules to follow.

Yandere!Jinwoo Sung x Fem Hunter!reader Tags - DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, Pregnant reader, physical handling, setting boundaries, medication/needles, implied psychological diagnosis (I am not a doctor), mentions of prenatal depression, controlling behaviour,

<<< For more Dark/Yandere content, click this link to go back to the Masterlist! >>>

<<< Or back to this fic's Master list. >>>

I have only watched the anime and haven't gotten round to reading the manhwa yet. Please refrain from spoilers.

TAG LIST CLOSED

“I’m taking you home.”

It was the first thing to leave Jinwoo’s lips, he wasn’t sure why at first when his mouth moved before his brain could catch up. But in that split second of realisation, an entire montage of playback footage of his time with you and visuals of the baby scans threw him threw him through one final loop.

“What?” You gawked at him like he had spoken another language you couldn’t understand.

Jinwoo was going to be a father. If Jong-in didn’t care about Hae-in, then that was on him. Not Jinwoo. He was conflicted, fighting to stop himself getting sealed up by the dark storm in his ears, over his eyes, clouding his judgement.

He could not let you stay here.

“Are you serious? We can’t leave her like this-“ You didn’t react to his firm grasp on your arm.

You followed him, but only out of shock, it was there plain as day in your eyes. Jinwoo hadn’t put a hand on you like this and even though it wasn’t aggressive, nor was it hurtful, he was still moving you about when you had no intention of moving.

He’d spend his life making up for it. But with this information and Hae-in’s cries dying down from whatever that doctor gave her, Jinwoo would take you hating him for the rest of your life if it meant you got far away from this place. On a whim, possibly. Without the facts, Jinwoo had to take the information at face value until he could lay out a respectable plan he should have done months ago.

“I’m coming back here, but you are going home.”

“Jinwoo, please don’t leave me here!” H ae-in’s cries fell on deaf ears.

You shook your head with determination and tried to pry his fingers away. “No, I’m not. Let go of me-”

“You’re exhausted, I knew you should have stayed home. Just let me handle this and get some rest.”

“Please, please! Don’t leave me alone here!”

It would have been easier if he could exchange, he had no choice but to walk you home. It wasn’t far, but realistically, how far could he get you before having to carry you out, five months pregnant. Passers-by would think he was some lewd pervert if they didn’t recognise him.

“Jinwoo, I said let go!” You tugged against his grip that never tightened or loosened.

The doctor watched with eyes as wide as a petrified rabbit, she wiped her face and moved towards you as Hae-in was beginning to quieten down. “I really think-“

“I’ll be back, doctor.” He said, eyes dark like pits of tar. “But please, wait up for me. We have some things to talk about.”

He stormed out of the room, you trailed behind him and the little, wailing squeaks from your shoes on the linoleum trying to get some purchase. “Jinwoo, what the hell are you doing?!”

“You can’t be here. Not anymore. I don't want you coming back here, not even after the twins are born. Hae-in might be frantic right now, but her comment has to have some merit.”

Hae-in was a more than capable hunter, her cool persona matched her abilities like suits in a deck of cards, all meticulously laid out in ascending order, similar yet different. Cohesive. Consistent. Nothing like that, not freaked out and unstable.

“Jinwoo-”

He never let you go until you were on public ground unowned by the association. “Please, you can’t be here. You can’t stay.”

“I can’t just leave her. She thinks we just left her and now she has no one on her side!”

“And I can’t lose you because you marched right back in there. I don’t know if what she said is true, but I won’t risk you or our babies, do you understand?!”

A second time he’d raised his voice at you in twenty four hours. Strike two.

Would you forgive him if he explained just how panicked he was on the inside? He couldn’t afford to lose control, and with each passing second, his E-rank status poked at him. Like a beast beneath the glossy surface of a body of water, just waiting for Jinwoo to dip a toe in and break the surface tension. Just a glimpse. A fraction. He didn’t know where it came from, but he did his best to cast it aside. He let his mouth do the talking without really thinking.

“If you don’t leave with me willingly, then I’ll carry you home. That is a promise.”

Possessiveness, it was what manifested whenever there was a chance you were in danger of being taken away from him, it happened at the announcement, it occurred whenever you were seen talking with Jong-in and whenever the Chairman was around. An emotion he just could not control and was unsure how far it could go.

“You will do no such thing. You’re kidding me, right? She’s clearly unwell and being in there is doing her no favours, we have to get her out of there.”

“No. I am not joking. And I will. You can never go in there again. I will sort this out and get Hae-in home, but you have to promise me that you will not go in there again.”

“But-”

“Promise me. Promise me you won’t go back in there.”

“A-alright…”

“You need to promise it. And if you break it, I’ll know.”

Igris maybe, or Beru. No… Igris. He knows her like the back of his hand by now, understands her movements when I’m not around and when she thinks no one is looking. She’s grown comfortable around him.

You backed away from him, you fucking backed away. Jinwoo wasn’t contagious, why would you back away? “Jinwoo, you’re scaring me.”

Jinwoo blinked away the red film plastered over his eyes, realising what he’d just said. He couldn’t bear the thought of you hating him, he took that rash belief back immediately.

“I’m sorry.” How could he even look at you now? “I’m sorry…”

“Why are- what’s going on?”

“What if… they wanted to make you go in there, if they took our babies? What if what Hae-in said is true? I need to know what's going on. I can’t do that with you in the room, not if there’s a risk to your health.”

Multiple reasons could be a factor, Hae-in’s health for one. Other things less likely were still a possibility.

“I’ll wait out here then. With Igris. Will that make you feel better?” Your tone was gentle, however your folded arms ready to scold him were not.

I’ll take it as a win, anyway.

“Yes, though I’d prefer it if you went home.”

“No. I’ll wait here until you come out, with Hae-in. Then we’ll walk home… It’ll give us time to cool off so we can discuss how you’ll never put your hands on me like that again, do you understand?”

Shit, you had him there. Shit-fucking-shit-holy crap I’m in for it- fucking asshole-dickhead!

“Alright… I-I’m sorry-”

“Save it for later. Go and get Hae-in.”

Jinwoo nodded, calling on Igris and entering back into the facility without as much as a goodbye kiss. He didn’t deserve it.

What a fucking night.

He stomped off the way he came in response to your reaction, his entire body flared up red and embarrassed that he treated you that way. What else could he do? You were stubborn and hardheaded despite your hormones and the emotions attached.

Though that probably made you all the more aggressive when you wanted to be.

When Jinwoo walked back to Hae-in’s room, she was asleep. Well, drugged. The doctor sat across from her in the sickly blue, uncomfy looking seat that was meant for making visitors unsettled and anxious.

She shot up from it as soon as she clocked him. “Mr Sung-”

He stopped her by dismissing her. “Mr Sung, nothing. Tell me what Hae-in meant, that you want to take her baby away… Because from what I remember, Chairman Go backed off from bringing all the babies here as a mandatory thing. What sort of place are you running?”

“I-It’s not like that, I promise. The chairman would never agree to such a thing, especially not after your engagement. He knows you’re raising your own children- but, Miss Cha requested the support. I don’t know much else, only to do with the pregnancies. I'm not sure what she means, but we're only trying to do right by her and the pregnancy. I don’t get told anything other than what I need to know. I’m really sorry, but the association dropped all this on my team at the last minute, we didn’t get a chance to renovate the old hospital before they announced the programme. We’re trying.”

A likely excuse to pass the blame.

“Even if Hae-in wanted the help, she clearly doesn’t now.”

The doctor got in between Jinwoo and the hospital bed. “She’s displaying signs of prenatal depression. She doesn’t know what she wants…” She then looked away, though not in shame. A disheartened look. “She… she was at the river, I think she was going to jump. She’s unstable and if she returns back to headquarters, I’m afraid she’ll end up hurting herself. I don’t think leaving is in her best interest.”

Jinwoo wasn’t bothered by her theatrics, Jong-in could deal with it when he brought Hae-in back and got back into your good books. “Well, what’s not in her best interest was restraining her like an animal, you ever thought about that?”

“There was no other way to calm her. Believe me. She swung for me and took five of our staff out until she was getting Braxton hicks which slowed her enough so we could try and get her somewhere safe. Her mind is making up its own mind and putting all sorts of thoughts into her head. If there was any other way to calm her, I would have done so. We’re trying to contact Mr Choi to let him know we found her, but we’ve been unsuccessful.”

“That’s alright, I’ll just take her to him. You won’t stop me, will you?”

Jinwoo allowed a shadow to emerge from him under the overhead light, allowing his aura to come out and unleash all of the darkness he was harbouring, just to keep you away from his twisted ideals that began to protrude from his mind like tortured spikes.

If she saw the shadow, she never let on. She remained unaffected by Jinwoo’s presence. Does she not have any mana? I can’t sense any aura from her, I can see nothing. I need thought to look before.

The doctor looked around the room to Hae-in. “I can’t, I have a duty of care. You can see her whenever for as long as you’d like, but I cannot allow her to go when she’s in such a state.”

“Nah, I think I’ll take her now. It’s late and she needs proper rest. If we need anything, I’ll call you.”

Jinwoo pushed past her respectfully, crushing each padlock like toothpicks. Hae-in did not stir, her heavy chest sluggishly moving with each breath. Jinwoo scooped her up easier than he imagined. Though closer to seven months pregnant, she was so light, almost weightless despite her dead weight under the influence of a medication Jinwoo didn’t know.

“What did you give her?”

“Just a sedative." She showed the miniature glass vial she drew the needle from. "It was only to calm her, but because she's so exhausted, she's out cold. She’ll wake up soon- please, you should really let her rest here.”

“Get out of my way. I have someone important waiting for me.” Jinwoo was about to push her out of the way, she put up her hands in defense and backed away.

“Okay- Okay… just-” The doctor rummaged through the little lock box on the wall and shoved a pot of pills into his hand. “Just make sure she takes one of these a day, every day, for her blood pressure. It’s high, she needs to bring it down. It’s important that she brings her blood pressure down.”

“Thanks.” Yeah, Jinwoo wasn’t giving Hae-in anything, especially when he couldn’t tell the name of the medication. Jong-in could do that.

She stepped aside and watched on helplessly. “I’ll come by and check on her tomorrow…”

Jinwoo thought of you. "Tell me, what are the symptoms of that depression thing?"

"Oh... um, well, it can show in many ways, but the most common is persistent sadness, irritability, changes in sleep and appetite- sorry..."

Jinwoo's eye twitched when she mentioned you. "Is she okay? Do you want me to see her tomorrow for a check up?"

"No." He wasn't going down that route. Jinwoo was merely curious. "She's just fine. Don't bother."

“Oh, by the way…” Jinwoo stopped by the doorway, keeping his back to her as a sign to assert his dominance she should already be bowing to. “You aren’t to go near my fiancè. Ever. Unless it's an appointment, are we clear? Only with me present, too.”

“What… what do you mean?”

“I don’t trust you or the association by a long shot. And if anything happens to her… Hae-in’s health will be the least of your worries when you wake up in the morning. Do you understand?”

“You can’t be serious-“

“I’m very serious. I've never been more serious, but don’t worry, you aren’t the only one I’m telling so you don’t have to feel so left out… she’s the most important person in the world and no one is getting their hooks in her because I’ll end their world. So I’ll ask again… do you understand?

“Uh… I understand..”

“Good.” Then he turned, his predatory eyes narrowed in on her. “Because if you or anyone else ever hurt’s her. You’ll live to regret it.”

He moved with a purpose, carrying the tired, pregnant woman right out the doorway. No medical member of staff turned an eye, no one tried stopping him because they all knew Jinwoo couldn’t be stopped.

He thought back to a time when he could have been stopped, very easily. A weak little man with nothing going for him besides pain and injuries that pushed lifetime scars he tried running from right in his face.

None of that mattered now. He could do what he wanted, when he wanted.

No one could stop him.

It’s why it was so difficult holding back most of the time. Like right now seeing Jong-in outside the facility speaking with you. Jinwoo’s grip tightened around Hae-in at the sight of the bastard's hand on your shoulder, a sickly sweet smile to match. Hae-in squeaked when his grasp grew intense.

"Shit. Sorry about that, Hae-in… What the hell is Jong-in doing here? That backhanded shit isn't cool." He eased off and approached them, hoping to catch the tail end of the conversation before either saw him.

“Hey.” You said, rubbing your arms in the sudden breeze that whipped through the street. “I called Jong-in to come and get Hae-in so we can go to sleep. You’re right, I’m exhausted.”

Were you doing this to punish Jinwoo for what he did? If it was, it worked exceptionally well.

Jinwoo didn’t ignore you, but moved past you to hand off the sleeping Hae-in to Jong-in. “Her blood pressure is high, research these pills and make sure they’re legitimate before giving them to her. The doctor will come and see her in the morning.”

“What happened to her? I’ve been worried sick.”

The compulsion to believe Jong-in wasn’t enough to settle him. “They found her by the river, she’ll wake up in an hour. Get her somewhere warm, she really wanted to see you.”

Jong-in held Hae-in close, nuzzling his nose into her hair. “I messed up bad . I didn’t want to do this a second time round… I was happy just doing this with Hae-in.”

Yet he still did it. Jinwoo had no sympathy.

He focused all his attention on your wide doe eyes, full of something he didn’t want to see again. Hurt. “Let’s get you some rest, want me to carry you home?”

“What about them?”

“We’ll be fine, I think we’ll be okay.” Jong-in turned away, heading back towards headquarters, slowly but surely.

Talk about a dramatic exit.

“Do you want me to carry you home?”

“No.” You started walking back without waiting. "I think we should talk about some things, don’t you?”

It was coming up for eleven o’clock, the nighttime sky darker than Jinwoo’s temper, his patience. It looked over his head as though judging him, waiting on him to fuck up again so it could lock its teeth around his neck.

“Yeah. We should.”

“What happened in there Jinwoo?”

What did happen? It became more of a blur with each step away from that facility. His intrusive thoughts were winning though holding them back for as long as he had, the doctor’s presence eluded him.

“I placed a shadow on the doctor... She’s in my crosshairs now, so let’s see what she’s up to when things cool down.”

Part 19 <- Part 20 -> Part 21

Thank you for reading and all of the support on this fic! ❤️ Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated and I appreciate you all! See you next time 🤗

Tag list - @bubera974 @snowy-violet @sky2lar @starrynights23x @kamiliora

@yessirr7 @aussie-boys-wife @yihona-san06 @mashiromochi @daiyanomochi

@justatimidcreator @alia-17 @otomegamesforlife @m00n-estelle @towomatos

@stormnightingale @johnnysactualgf @solarisstarrsolomonsbeloved @johnnysactualgf @notleclerc

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@shortchubbytat @celesteelysia @forgotten-moon94 @sleepyamaya @applepi405

DISCLAIMER - Crossposted from my AO3 - I do not own any of the characters or anything from the anime or manhwa. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

#solo leveling #jinwoo x reader #jinwoo sung x reader #sung jinwoo x reader #sung jinwoo #solo leveling jinwoo #jinwoo #jinwoo x you #jinwoo sung #solo leveling x reader #solo leveling anime #x reader #fem reader #reader insert #minors dni #pregnant reader #minors do not interact #sung jinwoo x you #sung jin woo x reader

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threegoldfish · 3 days ago

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Marc rises from his seat a few seconds after the others do - stands, rolls his shoulders, presses his lips together. He feels... okay, all things considered - but also awkward, because he's been sharing a bit there he, in hindsight, maybe shouldn't have shared. There's nothing he can do about it now, however - the words were out there, heard by the others - so he just... clears his throat, is about to turn around---

---When that veteran stops by his side, causes Marc's dark eyes to focus on that guy for a moment; The jerk of that chin is noted, seen, understood, and Marc... blinks, then gives a nod of his own in silent recognition, silent... acknowledgement, even.

Feels kinda good to be in contact with another soldier, he has to admit that much.

They don't talk, no, since that man leaves immediately. Who knows if they'll ever talk again. But to just be seen, to have someone exist who feels what it's like to be part of the military... yeah, it... helps. Makes Marc feel less alien, less lost amongst a group of people he'd never seen himself become a part of at some point in his life.

A glance is being thrown at Harrow then, sitting there to make his damn notes; Marc watches him a second, wonders if he should say something... but then just turns away, makes his way back to where the community room is.

His schedule is asking him to do a few things, so... off he goes, as it is easier for him to follow a set plan than to just float around, certainly.

Marc ended up watching a small group of people paint by those windows, then watched another smaller group work on a puzzle. All of that he did from a suitable distance to not come across as too odd; A few gazes were thrown at him still, and he could tell that the one young man he'd watched creating his artwork of the outside garden seemed to feel a little self-conscious... so Marc had turned away, decided to just... stroll around for a little while. Looking at white walls, white floors, white everything. Stared out of one big window, toward said garden - should he ask someone to take a walk with him, at some point? Maybe. Marc hadn't done so at that very moment, but he'd considered it.

He'd later gotten himself a new book, brought the other one back - yes, he'd finished his first rather quickly; It had been a very small one, though, not too many pages - and then pulled back into his room to start reading again. Something something Beluga whales and dolphins, something something. Actually quite fascinating, all things considered...

Did he write into the journal? Yes, he did, actually. Just one single word, but... Harrow never said he had to write a damn novel into it, after all, so... here he is: "Whatever."

Marc has no idea why it all had even started out to begin with, what exactly triggered this event to even become a thing - but he's here now, and he's currently facing a very mad guy in the middle of the community room; It's breakfast time, yet whatever breakfast they were having is currently decorating the floor rather than the plates it was served upon.

All Marc had done, really, was to walk into this shitty room and grab himself some food, taking a seat, when that one there came out of nowhere, marched toward his table and took his fucking plate to throw it all over the room. Screaming and shouting slurs, to which Marc himself had risen from his seat and--- well. Here they are.

"Why do they always let scum like you in here?!", that guy shouts across the room now, and he's squaring his shoulders, all of that. No, Marc's having none of it - he's standing his ground just as much, two grown men facing each other next to that table; Even though the idiot there is a couple of inches taller, with Marc himself only reaching a height of 5'8'', he's not one to put his tail between his legs - he frowns instead, a mixture of something confused but also deeply angered because that asshole just threw his fucking meal all over the floor, his coffee's gone---

"---The fuck you called me?!", A hiss, teeth being shown as he snarls, Marc brings a hand down onto that table next to him with force - the knock loud enough to echo through the otherwise-silence of scared and surprised patients that are unfortunate witnesses to the shitshow that's happening. It causes that guy in front of him to flinch, but that only seems to have that weird anger inside him boil even hotter.

"---You heard me, you piece of shit, fucking pig you are, thinking you've got a massive dick in your pants by killing others huh?! Going out there, laughing all happy while shooting down civilians?! Yeah, that's what you did, fucked some kid over just to have a smoke after---"

Okay, wow. Perhaps Marc should keep his cool, be the bigger one, but... no, he can't. Not when such a thing is thrown at his head, not after what he's gone through; He can hear the damn gunshots, he can hear little children cry, he can hear his brother cry and shout for their mother---

Marc's on him, on that other man he hasn't even really seen before, not consciously so - gives that idiot a rough push with his palms, just to witness a fist coming for him. Marc, trained in combat, catches that one and pulls it down at the wrist, giving it an uncomfortable twist; That one usually works, and do it does at this moment, has the asshole let out a noise of painful compliant before Marc's knee ends up in that man's gut.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole - you've got no idea what you're talking about!" he doesn't, Marc knows. That guy here, currently coughing his lungs out? Doesn't know what it means to be a soldier, that it's about so much more than just killing others. Did he kill people? Yes. Did he enjoy it? No, never. He hated it, hates the fact that casualties had happened, knows how the whole thing of fighting to bring peace is a bullshit concept in a way, but something needs to be done, people need to be protected even if it means that others die---

---A fist is on him, manages to hit him straight in the face, causes something to make a very uncomfortable noise, bone breaking; Marc didn't pay enough attention, it seems, and the force of that impact actually causes him to stumble back and collide with that table of his - pain blooms across his nose, his upper lip, and he can immediately taste the iron on his tongue, feels thick droplets of something warm falling from his nostrils...

A broken nose, a split lip, most likely. A hand comes up and wipes - crimson sticks to it, as expected - and Marc's gaze darkens, brows pulling in as his irises focus on that guy once more who stands there all smug, breathing hard---

"---That's it, baby boy? You going to cry for your fucking mommy now, bitch?! I've seen some shit Marines in my life, but you---"

Marc sees red. He does, and he's not proud of it. As said, perhaps he should know better from his many years of training, from being bullied at the station... but he just... he can't hold back. He is on that man again within a second, and this time he's throwing fists himself as they stumble and both fall to the ground, knuckles colliding with bones and flesh, feeling them break on that asshole's face in return - Marc's on top first but then he's hit at the temple with so much might that he tips over, and is rolled onto his back straight after just to be held down by a solid weight, more fists coming for him---

The soft roll of voices had dwindled again, the kind of quiet that suggested not a lack of words but rather a moment of shared breath. A few people had leaned back, a few pulling on loose strings on their clothes or pulling at their fingers; Arthur could feel it, and yet he allowed it to rest for a few moments before nodding again.

“Alright,” he said, glancing toward the clock with that same, even tone. “We’re almost at time. I want to thank all of you for being here, seriously. A lot of you showed up in very difficult ways, and I’ll be noting it in your files.”

A couple people lit up at that, sitting up just a bit straighter - ones who worked off of something closer to a point system, where doing things that were beneficial toward their mental health offered reward. The teenager appeared to be one of those people, speaking up almost immediately:

“Does that mean I get…?”

Arthur nodded. “I’ll find you sometime this morning, yes. It’ll just take me a few minutes to get everything worked through.”

The teenager grinned, nodding a bit and looking just a bit too happy - whatever reward was on its way was one that he was clearly excited for, shaking his leg softly out of a gentle joy.

“If anyone would like to stay and talk more, then you’re more than welcome to,” Arthur spoke. “There’s no schedule for the room for the next half hour, and I’m free to stay for a bit.”

Few rarely took up the offer. It was one of the only things Arthur didn’t like in the trauma groups; he loved working with them, he loved working with people like this, but building rapport was a tedious task. Even when people trusted him, they rarely ever trusted him enough to be open with; especially when not forced to be open to him.

Some people moved, while others didn’t. A few people just got up to stretch, cracking their backs and shoulders; the girl near the wall was the first to leave, as if being involved was just entirely too difficult for her.

The veteran stood slowly, a habit he had clearly picked up in his life. His knees popped, his head turning to give Arthur a look that was read somewhere between ‘thanks’ and ‘fuck you’.

Arthur smiled, giving a small nod in return.

Before the veteran left, he paused near Marc. He didn’t speak, and he didn’t even linger; he just gave a slight jerk of his chin. An upward nod, subtle; a sign of respect. An offer that he’d talk to Marc, if Marc was ever looking for someone to talk to; but he didn’t ask for it. He just left, following the girl out the door.

Arthur reached for the clipboard, already starting on making his little notes through the board. He looked up suddenly, at the group around him, speaking as if he had forgotten to; “Thank you, again. Be kind to yourselves.”

He smiled once, a flicker of one that fell off of his face just as fast, before turning back to the clipboard. It was important to note who had talked, what they had said - who had attended, who hadn’t.

#preemptivejustice #threads & interactions; marc spector #cw: blood mentioning #cw: violence #( :))) )

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badkitty3000 · 3 days ago

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Losing Control

Five Hargreeves x Female OC, 6.2k words, one-shot

Summary: Five finds himself helping out his ex and driving her home one night. A lot of past feelings start to surface for both of them, leading to a very high-stakes moment that has Five wondering how much he's willing to let go to get what he wants

Warnings: Smut, blow jobs while driving, car sex

The call comes at 1:25am. I’m awake… I’m always awake. I glance at the screen that is rudely lighting up my apartment living room, that had previously only been lit by the dim glow of whatever shitty tv show was on. I guess I must have dozed off, because when I look at the tv, my eyes bleary, I can see it’s playing some asinine reality show. I certainly wasn’t watching that before.

I take too long to answer and the phone goes silent. I sit up and the empty tumbler that had housed my scotch earlier, rolls off my leg and onto the floor.

“Shit,” I mutter, leaning over to pick it up.

When I set it on the coffee table, the phone comes to life again. It’s a voicemail. I roll my eyes. It’s probably Klaus calling to tell me something that can’t possibly wait until morning, like a new idea for a can’t-fail business he’s cooking up with Ben. I sigh, combing my fingers through my hair and running my hand down my face.

Without looking to see who left the message, I tap the screen and lean back against the cushions of the couch to listen. The voice that blares forth into the quiet of the room is not Klaus’s.

At first, because I’m not expecting it, I don’t understand what I’m hearing. Then, after a second or two, it dawns on me.

“Hey, uh… it’s me.”

There’s a lot of noise in the background. People talking, laughing, yelling. Faintly there is thumping bass music.

“Sorry to call… it’s late I know… fuck this is embarrassing. Look, I lost my phone and all my money and as much as I hate to admit it, yours is the only number I have memorized, so…. “

There is another woman’s voice, sounding annoyed and probably drunk, bursting through. “Are you almost done?”

“Yes! Hang on!” There’s some shuffling noises. “Ok, so I’m at The Charming Oyster… remember where… of course you remember, what am I saying? Well, I’m here and I’m kind of stranded and you know I wouldn’t call you unless I absolutely had to, so if you can find it in that blackened heart of yours to come get me that would be great…” She swears under her breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. Now you really won’t come. Fuck.”

The message ends.

I stare at the screen for a while. I swallow down a lump in my throat and bite at the inside of my cheek. How long has it been now? Five months? Six? I never thought she’d even talk to me again. I snort out a little laugh.

Well shit.

I think briefly about ignoring it altogether. It’s not my problem that she can’t function as a fully grown adult and figure out her way back home. This is exactly the type of shit I told her would happen. I’m sure there’s plenty of desperate guys at that bar who would be happy to give her a lift. Or something more.

It’s the something more that makes me change my mind.

I call the random number back and listen while it rings for a while. I think it’s going to go to voicemail, but then someone picks up. I can hear all of the same things in the background that were in her message.

“Hey! That’s mine!” someone yells, and it sounds like the other woman’s voice that I had heard. The drunk one.

“Shut up,” comes the other voice, the familiar one, and I immediately smile because how many times has she told me to shut up in that same exasperated tone? “Five?”

“Yeah,” I say, as nonchalantly as possible.

There’s an audible sigh of relief on the other end. “Thank you for–”

“I’ll be there in twenty,” I interrupt. “Try not to fucking wander off or get yourself kidnapped,” I tell her gruffly.

There is a long pause and I think she is going to start yelling at me, but instead she answers with a short “Sure.” I can almost hear her teeth grinding together as she manages to not tell me off.

This should be fun.

Before I go, I drink a glass of water and brush my teeth. I smell myself and it’s not great, so I take a quick shower and change my clothes. Not because I think anything is going to happen. I just don’t like looking like a bum, no matter where I’m going. Even if it is driving to a dive bar on the other side of town to pick up my ex-girlfriend in the middle of the night.

The shower cost me about ten minutes and I said twenty, and I know goddamn well she’ll give me shit if I’m later than that, so I haul ass through the city streets, ignoring a few stop signs at empty intersections as well as the posted speed limits.

On the way, I wonder if she’ll look the same or if she’s cut her hair or decided on a new look. The last time I saw her, her face was streaked with mascara as she cried and hurled insults at me.

That fight wasn’t anything new. It was always about the same thing. But it was special in that it was our last one. She had packed up her things and left and I haven’t seen or talked to her since. I hadn’t even bothered to try, honestly. Maybe I should have at least made an effort. But I had enough of arguing with her. I let her go.

I can still hear her accusations.

I am not yours to control

You can’t treat me this way

It’s insane

You’re insane

She wasn’t wrong.

So, I have a bit of a control issue. I know this because it’s been told to me by each and every one of my siblings, multiple times. And by her.

It’s not my fault I have trust issues and enough trauma to fill the fucking Grand Canyon. It’s not my fault I don’t know how to process things like a normal human being. Yeah, I can calculate the quantum mechanics required to travel through time just as easily as I can count to ten, but I don’t know how to be in a relationship with a real woman. And that is definitely not my fault.

I tried to ease up when she brought it to my attention. I really did try. I backed off for a while and things got better. But then she started doing stupid shit like going out at night alone or talking to strangers. She really lost her mind when she went out with a group of girlfriends one night and I followed her. She called me a psycho. That one kind of stung.

It wasn’t always bad, though. In the beginning it was good. Really, really good. So good I was terrified of fucking it up. Oh, the irony.

We met at a CIA work function that I was told by Derek I had to attend, the little shit. So I did attend, and I sat there in that crappy banquet room of our government’s finest bureaucratic basement, ignoring most everyone and counting down the minutes until it would be acceptable to leave. I usually pride myself on looking unapproachable, but she didn’t get that message.

“You’re Five Hargreeves, right?” she had said, sidling up to my table with a watered down drink in her hand.

“That’s the rumor,” I said with a smirk. Ok, so I was a little drunk.

She sat down next to me. No, not sat. Plopped. Right into the seat next to mine, her bare knee touching my leg. I openly stared at her tits, much to my chagrin. She tossed the rest of her drink back.

“Want to get out of here?” she had asked with a smile so mischievous and sexy that I will never forget it.

She hadn’t even told me her name yet.

The next hour was a blur. Stumbling blindly into my office. Lips bruised and bitten. Hair a mess. Quiet grunts and loud moans. Papers and files flying everywhere. Her skirt hiked up. My pants hitting the floor. That smile she flashed me before turning around and bending over my desk. I couldn’t believe my god damn luck.

When it was over and we were panting and sweating, she held out her hand to shake mine as she introduced herself.

“Lexi,” she had said breathlessly with a grin.

I took her hand and squeezed it. “Five. Nice to meet you.”

If I believed in love at first sight, that might have been it.

From there on out, we were together. She worked in accounting, which was on the opposite side of the building. But if she had stayed over the night before, I’d drive her to work in the morning or we’d meet for lunch in the cafeteria. We’d fuck in empty store rooms or in the car in the parking lot. Once we did it in Derek’s desk chair while he was out of the office as payback for him stealing my sandwich the day before. She thought it was funny. Derek not so much.

It wasn’t just the sex, though. We actually got along. I liked having her around. In fact, I liked it a little too much, apparently. About three months in was when my neuroses started to rear their ugly heads.

I hated not knowing where she was or what she was doing. I didn’t think she was running around on me, but I just wanted her with me. I got paranoid that something was going to happen to her if I wasn’t around. I needed to keep her safe. I’ve seen so many fucked up things in this world and I just couldn’t stand the thought of something bad happening to her. Or worse, me being the cause of it somehow. She accused me of being possessive.

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point,” I had stupidly argued.

She put up with it for a while longer until she didn’t. I didn’t want to lose her, but she was the one that told me I was suffocating her. So I let her go.

Last I heard she had requested a transfer to one of the regional branches. She hasn’t talked to me since. Until tonight.

I pull my black sedan up to the curb outside the bar. Our bar. I try not to think about how many times we had too much to drink and made out heavily in the cab on the way home. Maybe a little more than making out.

I put the car in park and roll down the window. I see her, leaning up against the brick building. She’s looking down at the ground so she doesn’t see me. She looks good, unfortunately. Her dark brown hair is swept over one shoulder and it looks like maybe she had curled it earlier in the evening because it’s wavy when it’s usually straight. The dark green dress she has on is short and tight, and also very familiar. When we were together, it never stayed on her for very long.

The bar is closed now and it’s much quieter than when she had called me not that long ago. A few drunk stragglers walk past.

“Lex!” I yell and it feels so weird to say her name out loud again.

She looks up and sees me and she actually looks relieved, which is something I wasn’t expecting. She comes jogging barefoot up to the car, carrying her heels in her hand, and pokes her head in the window.

“Twenty-one minutes. You’re late.”

“Get in the damn car, Lexi.”

A tiny smile plays on her lips for a second before she opens the door and slides into the passenger seat. She avoids my eyes while she puts on her seat belt and I pull away, merging into the lane. We don’t speak for what is probably several seconds but feels like an eternity.

“Thanks for coming to get me,” she says quietly and I know it’s killing her to do so.

“You’re welcome,” I say stiffly.

There’s more silence.

“Sorry,” she murmurs, looking at her hands in her lap.

“It’s fine,” I say. “What the fuck happened anyway?”

She chews at her top lip, probably trying to decide if she should tell me the truth or not. But she knows I can read her like a book, so there’s not much point in lying.

She lets out a long sigh. “I was on a date.”

My chest immediately tightens and I have to tell myself not to say anything stupid. I’m sure she can read my body language, though. She was always good at that. I let her continue.

“It was a blind date. We met through one of those stupid dating sites, you know? Which was probably my first mistake,” she explains, and if she’s trying to make me feel better, it’s not working.

She clears her throat. “Anyway, I suggested we meet there…”

“Why there?” I ask, now clearly annoyed. My knuckles briefly turn white on the wheel, until I remind myself to relax them again.

At least she has the decency to look a little ashamed. “I don’t know. It was just the first place I thought of.” I don’t comment and let her go on. “God, this is so embarrassing… he robbed me.”

I almost laugh out loud, but I manage to hold it back. The shit-eating grin, on the other hand? Well, I can’t do anything about that. “Go on…” I tell her.

She bristles. “Of course you are loving this. Yeah, so he ended up stealing my purse when I wasn’t paying attention. Then he said he was going to the bathroom but instead he just fucking left, taking all my shit with him. Happy?”

“Immensely,” I say.

After another few seconds she makes a frustrated growling noise. “Just say it, Five. I know you want to.”

I shrug and look in the rear view mirror. “Say what?”

“You fucking know what. ‘I told you so.’”

I really do want to say that, she’s right. Instead, my smile fades and I glance over at her.

“Didn’t you tell anyone where you were going?”

She shakes her head slowly. “No.”

I grind my teeth together. “God damn it, Lexi.”

She puts her head in her hands and groans. “I know, I know… I was really stupid. And it serves me right. And I could have been killed or worse. And I should have listened to you. And why didn’t I listen to you? And if you had been with me, this never would have happened.”

She looks up at me. “Did I hit all the points?”

“All the main ones, yeah,” I answer.

“Well, rest assured I have learned my lesson. And you can also sleep easy knowing I am utterly humiliated.”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t be dramatic.”

“Five, I went out on the first date I have had since we broke up; the guy robs me and leaves me stranded at a bar. I have to borrow a very drunk girl’s phone to call someone to come get me, and the only person’s number I know is yours. My ex-boyfriend that I haven’t talked to in months. I’d say that falls under the utter humiliation category, wouldn’t you?”

I don’t have a lot to say to that, except for one thing. “This was the first date you’ve been on since we broke up?”

“Shit,” she curses under her breath. “Yes, it was.”

“Huh… interesting.”

“God, Five, please don’t make this into a big deal.”

“I’m not making it into a big deal,” I protest. “I said it was interesting.”

Lexi disagrees. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a big loser that can’t get a date. I’m sure you have been very busy moving on, considering there was practically a line of women back at the office that were just waiting to get their claws into you. I have no doubt you got right back up on the horse again.”

I shake my head, but I don’t look at her. “No. No horse.”

She waits a beat. “What do you mean?”

I have no idea why I’m telling her the truth, but I am. “I mean there was no horse to get back up on.”

“You haven’t… since we…”

“Nope.”

She pauses and I don’t look over but I can hear her smug smile. “Huh… interesting.”

I stop at a red light and meet her eyes. “Lex, ” I start to say, but then my voice catches in my throat and I stop. What is there to say?

Her eyes pass over my face and then my body. I do the same to her. I can’t help but notice the smooth skin of her thighs that aren’t covered by her skirt. I am hit with the visceral memory of those same thighs on either side of my head while she sat on my face.

This light is interminable and I am suddenly very aware of our proximity to one another. I swallow and it’s audible in the quiet of the car.

“It wasn’t all bad, was it?” she asks. She has leaned in closer to me and I can smell her perfume. The one that I couldn’t get out of my sheets for weeks no matter how many times I washed them.

“No. It wasn’t all bad,” I answer quietly, my gaze drifting to her mouth. Her lips, the ones that used to belong to me, are slightly parted and I am struck by a very intense urge to slide my tongue across and inside them.

When she rests her hand on my thigh, my leg reflexively jumps. She doesn’t move her hand.

“We had some good times,” she says, leaning in so close that her breath tickles my neck.

I nod, swallowing hard again. Why am I producing so much saliva? “Yeah, we did.”

Her hand slides to the inside of my thigh and I try very hard not to react to that, but it seems my dick has different ideas. She notices and smiles, brushing her lips over my cheek. I close my eyes for just a second, lost in the familiarity of her touch. I exhale a noticeably shaky breath.

“Remember that time in the car on the way home from the movies?” she purrs.

“I could live a thousand years and never forget that,” I tell her, sucking in a sharp breath. “It’s a miracle we didn’t crash and burn.”

Lexi makes a little noise of agreement, her lips still touching my cheek. “How about we try to cheat death again? For old times sake?”

“Fuck,” I breathe out and then there’s a loud honk from the car behind me and I jolt in my seat. Lexi giggles. I look at her, this time with a salacious grin. I don’t even say anything. I just floor it and the car takes off.

When she starts undoing my belt and her mouth grazes my neck, it’s almost over before it starts. I can’t exactly help it. It’s been a long time. Not to mention I know how very fucking good she is at this.

“Just stay off of bridges and away from sharp curves,” she tells me, her breath rushing down my shirt collar.

Luckily for both of us and probably other drivers, it’s late enough that there is hardly anyone else on the road. I grip the wheel tightly, already telling myself to focus. My backup plan, if I lose control, is that I will blink us both out of the car and (hopefully) onto some nice soft grass. But, I’m not anticipating having to resort to that. Control is kind of my thing.

I’m speeding, changing lanes without signaling to get around the odd car here and there, and the moonlight and street lights are filtering through the windows and flickering across her face and body. I can hear, rather than see, her increase in arousal as she unzips my fly and she tests the waters by shoving her hand firmly inside.

“I may have missed this more than the rest of you,” she says and I know she means it as a mild insult but I don’t really care.

“Trust me,” I say with a short, breathy laugh. “It missed you too.”

She laughs a little at that. Then I see her do a quick glance at the speedometer. Then she looks at me with another one of those killer smiles and her head disappears into my lap.

“Oh fuuuck,” I moan, trying not to let my eyes close.

When I feel her mouth on me, it’s like a tidal wave hits me, and all I can think about is how stupid I am that I let her get away. My foot skitters off the accelerator for a second and the car slows before it lurches ahead again when I correct myself.

There’s a laugh, causing a warmth to drift across my cock, that is doing nothing to help me think straight.

“Careful,” she says, taking a second to look up at me.

I can’t help it and I laugh out loud. “Sorry.”

She goes back to what she was doing, still smiling, and my teeth jut into my lower lip so hard I can taste blood. I take in a loud, stuttering, gasp of air and hold it for a few seconds before letting it out in a combination of a whine and a groan.

Did it always feel this good? Probably. I’ve just been so fucking touch starved and pent up for the last several months that I can’t remember.

“Lex…” I breathe out. I want to rest my hand in her hair, like I used to, but I’m afraid of taking it off the wheel.

She makes a little whimpering noise and I swear I’m going to crash this fucking car and I’m not even going to be sorry about it.

I look at the speedometer. 65mph. I don’t even know what the speed limit is right now. Probably not 65. The streets continue to be mostly devoid of cars and so far I haven’t hit any lights.

My head is filled with so many things right now. I’m overstimulated and confused as buildings and trees and sign posts whip past me in a blur. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s like being high and it feels so fucking good.

Her lips tighten around my shaft as she goes down again, all the way, until she gags and has to let up. I can’t fight it and my eyes close for just a second. When I open them, the lights ahead abruptly change from yellow to red and the car comes to a screeching halt as I slam on the brakes at the last second.

I’m breathing hard, gripping the steering wheel like I’m going to rip it off the car, and she sits up. We stare at one another, panting. Her lips are swollen and her eyes are wide. Her hand is still on my dick and even though I almost just killed us, I am annoyed she stopped.

“Are you ok?” I ask between heaving breaths.

She nods. “Yeah. You?”

I smile. “All good.”

Lexi grins. “Shall I continue?”

“Only if you want to.”

Her tongue flicks out to lick at the corner of her mouth. She shrugs. “Ok.”

She doesn’t hesitate this time. She’s practically swallowing me whole and I growl loudly.

“Sshhiitt,” I hiss between gritted teeth.

The light is green again. Luckily there is no one behind us, because I momentarily get the pedals mixed up and I press the brakes again and we don’t move. When my one remaining brain cell kicks back in and I put my foot on the gas, Lexi uses her tongue to swipe across the head of my cock. The car flies ahead and if one of these traffic cams doesn’t capture my license plate to send me a ticket in the mail, it will be a miracle.

It’s getting to be too much. She is not letting up, even for a second and I can barely focus on the road. The last time we did this, I was able to last until I found a random parking lot to turn into so I could come down her throat without becoming a tragic news story.

This time, I see a wide alley that looks like it’s used for deliveries to the building next to it. It’s empty now and I crank the wheel so hard to the right that the tires squeal and Lexi digs her fingers into my thigh.

I throw the car in park just as she is lifting her head to see what the fuck is going on. I don’t bother with an explanation. I undo my seat belt and then reach across to unfasten hers. I curse the fucking power seat adjuster as I impatiently wait for it to slide back. We don’t say anything. Once there is enough room, she is climbing over the console between us and onto my lap.

It’s not easy and there’s not a lot of room, but I know I don’t care and it doesn’t seem like she does either. She takes my face in her hands as she kisses me hard and frantically. My hands are under her skirt and inside her underwear, already fingering her. She gasps against my mouth and starts to grind against my hand.

“Five,” she breathes out between kisses.

“Let me fuck you,” I tell her and I hate that it comes out sounding desperate rather than demanding. She has a way of doing that to me. Always has.

Since my cock is already out and twitching just at the thought of being inside her again, I push aside her panties and she lowers herself down. As she does that, though, her ass hits the steering wheel and a loud horn honk echoes off the alley walls and makes us both jump.

She starts to giggle and I grin back at her. I know I don’t have to ask her permission or warn her in any way, because I can see she’s thinking the same thing, and I blink us into the backseat. There’s not a whole lot more room back there, but it’s better. She uses the short interruption to yank her underwear off before she’s climbing back onto my lap.

When she sinks herself down, engulfing me in one quick motion, we both groan loudly. The windows are already starting to steam up from all of our labored breathing and she kisses me again. I have one hand on her waist and the other in her hair.

“I missed this,” she tells me.

“I missed you,” I answer truthfully, against my better judgment.

She buries her face into the side of my neck as she starts to move on top of me. She is warm and tight around my dick, just like I remember, and all of those feelings start rising up again. I can smell her hair and feel her soft skin under my hands. Her lips press against my neck and my grip on her tightens.

“Five,” she whispers. “Don’t stop. Ever.”

“Baby,” I say because I know that drives her nuts. “Look at me.”

Just about the only time she ever listens to me is during sex and she meets my eyes with no hesitation. The lighting in the car is dim, but I can still make out the tiny specks of green in her otherwise soft gray eyes.

What started as a fun and casual blow job has now turned into something else and we are locked in to one another. It’s like no time has passed. She knows just how to move; slow and rhythmically, with her hips grinding down against mine as she undulates seductively, like a belly dancer. I tip my head back against the seat and close my eyes while she bruises my neck with her rough kisses. I draw my fingers down her spine and I wish I could feel her entire naked body against me again.

I open my eyes to look at her again. “Lex, I never meant–”

“I know,” she says breathlessly while continuing to fuck me slowly out of my mind. “I know.”

Her hands are in my hair and the sides of my face and her touch is maybe what I have missed the most. I let my eyes fall shut again and our kisses deepen. My cock is still buried inside her. When it’s obvious we are both giving into our feelings, she starts to quicken her pace. We’re breathing hard into one another’s mouths and I move my hands to her ass.

She’s pounding away on top of me now, whimpering and moaning, her fingers tangled in my hair and her eager mouth placing frantic kisses everywhere. My mouth, my jaw, my neck. All I can do is make guttural groaning noises and thrust my hips up to meet her.

The windows are fully fogged up and my senses are overwhelmed by the thick air and her scent and the weight of her body on mine. We’re so completely in sync and lost in one another that a bomb could go off right outside of this car and neither one of us would notice.

I let out some sort of weird noise that might have been a moan. “Lex… oh fuck,” I gasp.

She knows what she’s doing to me and I feel her smile against my neck. But she’s about to unravel, too. I know her too well. The sharp, high pitched breathing that almost sounds like she’s hiccuping. The desperate clutching at my shoulders. The incoherent cursing.

When she says my name it sounds like a sob.

I jerk my hips roughly up, at the same time that I push her down, driving my dick deeper inside.

“Tell me,” I rasp out and I know she knows what I want. Despite her not wanting me to control her, she has always been good about feeding my narcissistic tendencies in bed.

“No one can fuck me like you, Five,” she says. I grunt loudly as I thrust up into her again, making her cry out. I can feel her slick walls start to tighten. “Your cock was made for me.”

I can feel it. That familiar urge to claim and own her. To tell her she’s mine and no one else’s. I used to do that when I fucked her. I’d wait until she was so far gone she couldn’t argue with me and I’d tell her how I wanted to keep her with me all the time, just so I could see and hear her. It’s rising up, along with my impending orgasm, just waiting to be unleashed after being dormant for so long. But I don’t. Not this time.

“Shit… Lexi, honey… “ I pant, my fingers digging into the flesh of her perfect ass cheeks.

“Come inside me, Five,” she whispers next to my ear.

I do just that, spilling inside of her with a long, husky groan while I hold her down, tight against me, and she starts shuddering in my arms. She clings to me, her body pressed to mine and her pussy contracting around my cock, and I don’t want it to end. She kisses me again, softer this time, as her body slowly starts to become less rigid. We’re still spasming against one another, involuntarily, like we’re shivering from the cold, although we’re both burning hot.

I return her kiss, my hand lacing through her soft hair again. She settles into me, my dick still inside her, and our muscles relaxing. I don’t want to stop kissing her. I’m terrified that it will break whatever spell this is and things will go back to being broken.

She pulls away, but she doesn’t move off my lap. She stays straddling me, and gently pushes a piece of hair off my forehead. My hands slowly trace down her sides, taking in her curves, and rest on her hips again.

“I didn’t want to leave,” she tells me quietly.

“Then why did you?”

She doesn’t answer that because we both know why she did. Instead, she looks away. “You didn’t try to stop me.”

“I know.”

“Why not?”

I laugh bitterly. “Because for once I decided to listen to you. If I came after you, I’d just be proving your point.”

She thinks about this and she tilts her head. She runs her thumb softly over my lips and I kiss it.

“I don’t know if I can change, Lex,” I admit. “I think this might just be me.”

She nods. “I know, Five.”

“I’m sorry,” I say and I truly am.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. You’re just built the way you are and it’s not wrong. It’s just you.” She pauses. “And right or wrong… I’m in love with you, Five.”

I’m at a loss for words, which never happens to me. Even when we were together, we never got to the ‘I love you’ stage. It was close and generally implied, but neither of us ever said it out loud. Hearing it now makes me realize how stupid that was. What had I been waiting for?

“I’m in love with you, too, Lexi,” I say sincerely, stroking her cheek gently. “Is that enough, though?”

She nods with a small and kind of sad smile. “I think so. Maybe.”

“I can’t make any promises, but I will try. I’ll try harder this time.”

“I’m going to try, too. I wasn’t entirely fair to you before. It’s a two way street and sometimes I let my stubbornness get in the way of me seeing that.”

She leans in to kiss me again and I trace a finger down her jawline. I feel like something has been stitched up inside me. Like I’m not quite fixed but there’s no longer a gaping hole.

I rest my forehead against hers and all I want to do is hold her. But we can’t stay in this alleyway forever. “Come home with me?” I whisper.

Lexi smiles. “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

After we clean ourselves up as best we can and I get my pants zipped back up, we climb back into the front seats. Lexi grins over at me, holding her underpants up by one finger. She slips it over the gearshift with a laugh.

“There you go. A nice little decoration for you.”

I chuckle. “Makes me look like a major player. I like it.”

As I pull out onto the main street again, I look over at her. “Hey, that guy tonight… the one that took your purse… you know his name?”

“Well, yeah I know his name. It was supposed to be a date.” She pauses. “Now that I think about it, though, I bet he used a fake one. Asshole.”

I nod thoughtfully. “Want to get your shit back?”

“That would be nice, but I have no idea where he lives or anything. I just have a face from the dating app.”

I give her a sideways glance and roll my eyes. “You realize we just might have access to that kind of information?”

She gasps dramatically while smiling. “Five Hargreeves! Are you suggesting we break into the CIA and illegally obtain information?”

I frown. “It’s not breaking in if you have full clearance. Not to mention I have a very handy mode of entering undetected.”

Lexi giggles. “I would really like to get my phone and ID back. Plus I really liked that purse.”

“Good. We’ll swing by the office and then we’ll get this bastard.”

“Oh shit, you’re going to kick his ass, aren’t you?”

I shrug, not really wanting to commit to an answer right now. She just grins and leans in to kiss me on the cheek.

When we arrive at headquarters and security lets us into the lot, I park and then blink us both into my office. It’s quiet and there’s no one around. It doesn’t take long before I’m pulling up all sorts of dirt on this guy. Including his address and current employer. If I really wanted to make this guy’s life a living hell, it would be so easy. But I might just settle for a good old-fashioned punch to the throat. We’ll see how I feel.

“Ready?” I ask.

Lexi nods. “Yeah, let’s go.”

We head out into the hallway and I stop, turning to face her with an evil grin.

“What?” she asks.

“I just remembered. Derek borrowed my favorite pen yesterday and never gave it back.”

She returns my look with a gleeful smile, catching on right away. “Well, then I think we should stop by his office. Have a look for it. Maybe on his desk?”

I pull her in for a kiss while we both laugh at our brilliant plan. As it quickly turns heated, it dawns on me that I should be thanking that guy that stole her purse. Maybe I will, after I kick his ass. But right now I have more important things to think about, and I blink us both into Derek’s office.

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